good news must also come in threes

This morning Griffin had his cardiologist appointment. Though I tried to keep cool, I was terrified. Especially when they hooked him up to the EKG and then asked me if anyone in our family had ever "dropped dead at 20" following physical activity. But the exam revealed that he's totally healthy and his heart is completely normal! He does have what is called an "innocent murmur" which is basically just the sound of blood flowing to various parts of his body and does not actually have anything to do with his heart at all. It may come and go throughout his life but will never affect his health. Hooray!! HUGE relief.

Then this afternoon, I got a call from the YMCA regarding the wait list. We're in for April!!!! I can't believe how well that ended up working out. We ADORE that center and he will only be 5 minutes away from me while I am at work. We are thrilled! I do feel a bit guilty about having to turn down the other center because they really were great... but this will be SO much more convenient and a great fit!

A LOT of happiness in our house lately!

can't contain the excitement

I found out tonight that one of my oldest and dearest friends is moving to Denver!! We've known each other since I was in 8th grade, we've been friends through so many different incarnations of myself, she is someone I can be truly, authentically me with. And she also has a little boy! July can't come soon enough. I am beside myself- Denver will feel even more like home.

AND on top of that, Griffin took not one, but TWO naps in his crib today! Someone pinch me!

time keeps on ticking...

I was in denial for quite awhile, but now that it is looming less than two weeks away, I have to face the truth. I will soon be back to work full time and Griffin will be in day care. There aren't words to describe how I feel about the situation so I don't talk about it very often. Bittersweet barely scrapes the surface. Being a stay-at-home mom to a newborn has been, quite literally, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I also worked hard for my education and I like my job. But when I think about leaving my son alone with strangers all day after not being separated for more than an hour since he's been born- about not being able to see him smile whenever I want- about our bond being weakened... I literally get nauseous. I want Griffin to know his family better than he knows his teachers. I want him to grow up with our values. I want him to be comfortable, in his own bed, in his own home. I want to be able to nurse him whenever he needs it. I don't want him to be part of an institution. I want us to have more time together than two hours before bed and the weekend. Unfortunately, we don't have a choice right now. I'm just trying to focus on the good aspects of it and value the time we do have left together. I'm just going to miss him so much.

We've been busy lately too. We heard back from the minister and Griffin will officially be baptized at the Easter Eve Vigil! The service sounds incredibly beautiful and moving. Apparently we start in the building next door to the church in the evening and carry lit candles over to the church sanctuary. The fire means a lot of things. Of course, to devout Christians it symbolizes the Resurrection, but it also has an earlier start as part of the pagan Ostara celebrations, celebrating the growing light of spring and new birth. I love the tradition of it and that our church is open enough to allow us our own interpretations and sense of spirituality. I am thrilled that it is during this service Griffin will begin his spiritual journey! Because of the impending baptism and the fact that we will becoming members, we have been attending church services each sunday. We've really been getting a lot out of the sermons. I think we're both at a point in our lives where we're finally able to stop and listen, to tune into ourselves, to focus on what is important. And having Griffin attend their child care for an hour or so each week has sort of been getting me ready for the inevitable!

Griffin & I after church!

Griffin and I met Drew for lunch at the courthouse again today. Since it was a holiday, things were very quiet and this time we did get to meet Drew's judge. She was awesome and she adored Griffin. I can see why Drew likes her so much. We also got to meet Drew's captain who was also very nice. Griffin had some pretty fancy access today!

The most important news is that we were able to get Griffin an appointment to see the cardiologist much sooner than we were expecting. We will be going in on Thursday morning. Again, I am sure it is nothing, but I will be SO GLAD to have that confirmed for me. I havent allowed myself to think about it much, but it has still been a huge stress. He has continued to be the same funny, moody, sweet, wonderful, impatient, gorgeous, amazing child though- so I take that as a good sign!

captain adorable

drying off after a dip

baby feet are the absolute best

most gorgeous thing I've ever seen

this is his pleasant face

how am I going to be able to go back to work??

I like how it looks like he is running in his sleep

Griffin the Brave

Today was Griffin's two month well visit at the pediatrician. They checked out every inch of him and he is growing and advancing by leaps and bounds! He now weighs a whopping 10 pounds 10 ounces and is 23 inches long. This is exactly the type of growth expected for his age. The nurse commented on how pretty Griffin's eyes are and said they are a very interesting color. We told her we're hoping they stay that way and she said there is a chance! We also got some ideas for how to deal with his gas issues, refusal to nap, and general crankiness. We'll see how it goes! We were then told that he is advanced in his motor skills and that he will most likely be turning over way ahead of schedule! I KNEW he was a genius! (I don't know how ready we are to have him be mobile though!)

The part that makes us a bit nervous is his heart murmur. We found out he had one at his one month visit but the nurse assured us it was super common and nothing to worry about. Apparently today it was a bit louder. We were still told it was *probably* nothing, but that he is being referred to a cardiologist to be sure. The worst part is that because of the time it takes to get the referral, have the doctor work with our insurance, and get an appointment, it will likely be a month or two before we know anything. I am sure Griffin is fine, but it is so easy to imagine the worst when it is so long before we have answers!

The final part of his appointment were his vaccinations and those broke my heart. Griffin was being SO sweet at the doctor's office, grinning the whole time and charming the pants off of everyone. When the nurse came to give him his shots, he gave her his best smile... which immediately faded into shock, pain and terror. She was really good so it was over fast and I was holding him before he knew it. He was EXTREMELY brave and calmed down very quickly- but I was left feeling guilty. I know he NEEDS the vaccines, and that they are protecting him- but I wish there was a way for me to explain why we would let someone hurt him!

He was a TOTAL angel the rest of the day. I was actually shocked as I expected the ordeal and reaction to the vaccines to make him crabby. Instead he spent his time napping and/ or cooing at us lovingly. He is seriously the best kid ever. *swoon*

something is still missing.

I've been thinking about my aunt a lot lately. I think many of those feelings are tied up in having Griffin around now. I keep wondering what her humorous advice would be on things, what her own stories about raising boys would have been, what she would have lovingly crafted him.

I talked to my uncle last week. He told me she would have already been out here. I know she would have, and it just makes it harder. I desperately wish Griffin could have known her. Drew says he does. I hope so.

And for some reason the spring coming hurts more too. Maybe it is Griffin's impending baptism causing Drew & I to think about who his godparents will be, since she and my uncle were mine. I'll definitely be making her famous jell-o salad for Easter, using the recipe she e-mailed me almost 6 years ago now where she addresses me as "old married lady". I imagine her vegetable gardens that would normally get started soon, the hostas that come up every year. And maybe the numbness from her passing is just finally wearing off.

At least I have this:

the day Aunt Diane found out I was pregnant

The Luck O' the Irish

Today was Griffin's first St. Patrick's Day! We celebrated with homemade corned beef with potatoes and cabbage, homemade Irish soda bread, Harp beer, and brownies topped with mint chocolate ice cream for dessert! Griffin's t-shirt says Mom's Lil' Irishman and was really big on him so he'll be able to wear it again next year (it was only 4.99, so totally worth it!)

Griffin was an angel today and stayed in a great mood as he helped me make dinner and clean the house. I have made two awesome discoveries: 1. the Baby Bjorn is an INCREDIBLE invention. This was a gift from Drew's sister, Cory and brother-in-law, Steve. Cory told me when she gave it to us that this was the one item she could not have lived without when her son was a baby. We tried it out a few times when Griffin was first home, but he wouldn't cooperate. We tried it again recently and now he LOVES it! I think he's big enough now where he can see out the top and sides to keep himself entertained. It is a LIFE CHANGER for me though. I am finally no longer at the mercy of Griffin's nap schedule (or lack thereof) and I can get around to do what I need around the house. Then 2. Griffin thinks it is hilarious when I fold laundry. He will actually sit still in his chair and grin from ear to ear the entire time I do it. I think he must just find the different colored pieces of cloth interesting. Works for me!

We got wonderful news today! The daycare up north called to say they have a spot for Griffin in April after all! I am beyond thrilled. This means we will get to avoid the creepy daycare altogether. Losing our deposit on that place is totally worth it for the piece of mind! We have an appointment with them the Tuesday before he starts to go over all the specifics and fill out his paperwork. I'd be excited about it if I wasn't so sad about letting him go!

We also heard back from the minister of the Congregational Church and she has agreed to baptize Griffin! We're not 100% on the specifics yet, but we think it will be the evening of Easter Eve. Apparently they have a really beautiful service that night that is perfect for baptisms. We have also decided to become members! We will attend their membership retreat in May (and they provide childcare- HUGE bonus!).  We are both oddly excited about the whole business. It will be really great to be part of their community!

Griffin's Awesome Day

Griffin and I both love when Drew is home. We miss him constantly and it is WAY easier and more fun when there are two of us parenting. Plus we get to do more fun things together when he's not at work!

Tuesdays are Drew's regular day off and we really took advantage of it today- I think it was Griffin's most exciting day yet! A new breakfast restaurant just opened up a few blocks away from us and we decided to check it out.

The food was great (I had this amazing veggie hash) and the ambiance was cool as it was right across the lake with a great view of downtown.

Then we took Griffin on his very first  trip to the zoo! He was super good and we had such a good time walking around with him.

We rode the merry- go-round:

We took the train:

And Drew carried him around in the Bjorn:

On the way home from the zoo, we stopped at Drew's favorite Mexican spot for lunch & Griffin got to sit at the table like a big kid! (I thought it looked hilarious):

Now Griffin is taking a nap before we spend the rest of the day watching movies. Perfect day! Too bad Drew has to go back to work tomorrow...

two months!

It is hard to believe that it has been more than eight weeks now since the afternoon our son was born. In some ways it seems like it was yesterday and in others it seems like he has been with us forever. Either way, somehow we are able to adore him more every minute. Just last night Griffin looked at me in a particular way, his eyes just locked with mine, and it almost took my breath away. I looked at Drew and said "I just love him so much..." and Drew said "I know- so much it hurts". And it's true. I don't think we ever understood this kind of love before Griffin was born. And those feelings have only made us love each other more. It is an incredible thing.

Our two month old is learning and growing by leaps and bounds. He hasn't been weighed by a doctor recently, but my at home scale estimates him to be a little over 10 pounds. He's much longer too and he's already grown out of some of his newborn clothes! His non-stop eating phase is over (thank god) and he's back to his regular schedule. In fact, he's been taking enough in the past two nights that I've gotten an extra hour of sleep between feedings! Hooray! His mood is also evening out and he's been back to his sweet self the past several days. This includes constant smiles (though they're nearly impossible to capture on camera) and Drew thinks he heard his first laugh yesterday morning! Griffin definitely recognizes voices and faces now- at least those of Drew and I. He's also become enamored with hanging toys. He has zoo animals that hang over his bassinet and farm animals that hang over his vibrating chair and both make him laugh, kick, and coo. It is adorable.

Unfortunately, we have some bad news on the daycare front. Griffin is enrolled at the nice daycare up north beginning in May. We really need daycare starting in mid-April when I go back to work so they said they'd see if they could squeeze us in. I just found out today that they're completely booked solid which means Griffin will have to go to the creepy daycare down the street for a few weeks. I know that between starting mid-month and the fact that Drew has Tuesdays off, he'll really only be there a total of 10 days or so... but it is not the way I am comfortable with starting off my separation from him. I'm already feeling some anxiety about it. *sigh*.

I'll leave you with some videos of Griffin. This one is over a month old- I can't believe how much bigger he is already! But he is making some hilarious faces so I had to share:

This one features Griffin entranced with his light up mobile. He also happens to be wearing his Leisure Suit Larry outfit:

And then this last one is recent and shows just what a cutie pie he is (if you can get over the fact that I was singing to him. Cut me some slack- we were all jamming out to my iPod while making dinner).

60 minutes of glory

Griffin was an AMAZING little boy today! He was cheerful all day except for when I accidentally delayed one of his feedings a bit longer than he'd like. He napped (granted, I had to hold him, but still- he napped), he sat pleasantly in his chair and watched me make dinner and do the dishes, we played, he was a model child. He's a little bit cranky now but for some reason he always takes a turn for the worse in the evenings. Hopefully he's getting past this stage!

In order to preserve our sanity, Drew and I have decided that we each get an hour of "alone time" each night. We don't have to take it, but if we ever want a little while to de-stress without having to do any baby duty, we have the option. I'm currently on my hour and it is FANTASTIC. (I only have 30 minutes left!) 

Tomorrow we are helping my parents move into their new house. We're super excited! It is going to be such a great place for Griffin to visit! 

Griffin's Little Adventure

Yesterday when Griffin had a crying fit, we drove around and walked around Target. The car always seems to get him to sleep and I needed some quiet time. Today when he started up again, I decided we would take a walk. I was hopeful that the rhythm of walking with the stroller would have the same effect as the car and I was right! And I am SO GLAD. I think this walk was exactly what we both needed. Today is really warm- 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. It did wonders for my spirit. Plus, the three mile walk from our house and around the lake and back was a nice work out! I was sweating by the time I got home!

Today Griffin saw the Edgewater Inn.

He had fun at the lake.

He admired the mountains.

And he checked out the view of downtown Denver.

Actually, he slept through 90% of it, but that is just fine with me. I am in a great mood & my hope is that he is too once he wakes up! The colic (or phase or whatever) has been really stressful and we really hope it ends soon... but at least there are things we can do to ease it in the meantime!

Awake and Pissed.

The picture above is an extremely rare phenomenon- Griffin NAPPING. He has never been a very regular daytime sleeper, especially on his own in a crib- but lately the problem has been even more pronounced. He has been REALLY cranky, spending much of the day crying. This wears him out and creates a never ending cycle of being overly tired and thus super emotional. I've done a LOT of reading about it and I'm pretty sure he's colicky. He has a few good days but his bad days are BAD and usually get worse in the early evening which is a typical sign. Sunday was awful as he went on several inconsolable crying jags. By the end of the day all three of us were exhausted. My research led me to some calming techniques I hadn't tried yet so I used them yesterday. They were a success in that whenever Griffin started crying, I could generally console him within 5-10 minutes. The problem was that I felt like I spent my entire day soothing him or trying to prevent a breakdown. The very worst was last night though when he shrieked nonstop from 1:30-4 am. I tried everything I could think of and nothing worked until he finally let out the biggest fart possible for a tiny baby, burped several times, and then passed out. Poor gassy kid, just like his dad.

But then today (knock on wood) was AWESOME. He spent the day smiling and cheerful, only crying when he really needed something. He took a nap this morning and he is in the middle of another as we speak. Unfortunately, I am also not a good daytime napper and though Drew is currently taking this opportunity to catch up on sleep, I just laid there staring at the ceiling until I finally got too bored. I know I'll regret this later.

In other news, we are currently trying to work with the church we love in Boulder to get Griffin baptised. This church was the first one we both felt completely comfortable in (and we've been to SEVERAL). If you read what they stand for here: http://www.firstcong.net/ under "Open Hearts" and "Open Minds", you'll see why. They are an extremely liberal, spiritual but not dogmatic group, very open to all creeds, backgrounds, and orientations. Every time we go, we feel rejuvenated and it is just the type of community we'd be proud to expose Griffin to. We'll keep you guys posted on the details!

take your son to work day

Today Griffin and I visited Drew at work for lunch.

We got to tour the new courthouse and hang out with some of the deputies.

Griffin was SUPER well behaved and we had a great time. Between Drew and his friends, I always feel really safe! Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet Drew's judge this time- I was looking forward to it because she sounds awesome. Maybe we'll have to make another trip!

Later we went out for Griffin's first happy hour (and probably last for a REALLY long time...).

He was a fan of the 2 for 1 PBR specials.

Tomorrow we are having some friends over for dinner and game night. They just found out they are also having a boy so we are excited that Griffin will have a built in friend one day soon! These have been very exciting days for our little guy!

man of few words

Griffin has been finding his voice. Now, in addition to his regular cries, he's been making up some words to chatter. Mostly it sounds like different variations of "hoo", "oh" and "guh"... but it sounds adorable & is enough to impress his mama.

I've been REALLY exhausted lately because I'm the only one that gets up in the night with Griffin during the week since Drew works. It wouldn't be SO bad, but Griffin isn't a good napper so I never really get to recharge during the day. This morning, however, Griffin let me sleep for more than 4 hours straight! It was glorious and I feel like a different person! I think I'll take him for a walk today to enjoy the weather!

better every day

Life with a newborn has been getting easier and easier just like we knew it would. We are still sleep deprived and there are still (very) trying moments, but for the most part parenting continues to be incredibly rewarding.

I think part of the reason it feels so much better is that Griffin and I have gotten out a lot more and have actually spent some time socializing. I think being shut in for so long made me a bit stir crazy. The past few days especially have been awesome. This weekend was beautiful so on Saturday we took Griffin up to Boulder for a walk along the river. Following that, we visited with Frank and Bev, two of my parents closest friends and my parents took us on a tour of their new house. It is AWESOME and suits them so well- we are so happy for them. What makes it even better is that the new house is the closest to us that they've ever lived (only about 15 minutes!) AND they have several extra bedrooms, one of which will be especially for Griffin whenever he wants to stay! Sunday my friends Amy and Lynn came by to visit and we had a great time laughing & showing off the baby. Yesterday, though, was pretty much the Best Day Ever. Griffin let me sleep in until 8 and stayed cheerful all day. We went to my midwife appointment and she said my incision looks awesome, is healing perfectly and that I can officially start exercising again! I am super excited because we have a sweet work out game for the kinect that I cant wait to try out. After my appointment, Griffin and I met my mom and Bev for lunch and shopping in the Highlands. Griffin was an angel, it was sunny and nearly 70 degrees, and I felt totally back to normal. I think I really needed that.

Drew is home with us today and since it is supposed to be nice out again, we're thinking of taking Griffin to the zoo. He wont be able to see any of the animals, but it is one of Drew's favorite places and it will be nice just to get out and walk around. Tomorrow I'm taking him to the office to meet all of my co-workers. They've been e-mailing me constantly begging me to bring him in. Since he's 6 weeks old now, his immune system is much stronger and he can start spending more time in public.

Speaking of  trying moments though, he's had a few doozies. He is currently in between diaper sizes- he's slightly too big for newborns but slightly too small for 1s. We've been putting him into 1s and just hiking them way up, but he's had some majorly unpleasant leaking issues, several of which have happened as I am nursing. NOT cool. Then last night for some reason he decided he was an insomniac and woke up every two hours instead of every 3-4 like normal. Of course once he was up, he wanted to party so we ended up sleeping with the light on again (awesome).

I'll finish up with this. We recently got an iMac and Drew has been using it for creating and editing videos (one of his passions). His first real attempt with the new software was this short movie for Griffin (and I think it is hilarious):