4 Months!! (or in pregnancy terms, 16 weeks!!)

Munchkin Keefer was officially 16 weeks as of yesterday! I always love the little milestones, as insignificant as they are. But cool things are apparently happening in utero. According to my sources, she is practicing facial expressions, clenching her tiny fists, occasionally getting hiccups, and peeing. Yes, its sort of weird that my child is peeing inside me, I guess. But its natural. When I read Drew that list, however, he glossed right past everything else and went straight to "wait... its PEEING? Like INSIDE YOU?" He had several more questions about said pee and then was done with it. The man is not easily impressed.

I had my 16 week check up this morning. Everything went really well. I got to see my regular OB this time (I've been rotating through doctors since the beginning of my pregnancy). The results of the first half of my sequential screen came back without issue, I am measuring right on as far as size, and I got to hear the heartbeat. It was wonderful. Our "big" ultrasound is scheduled for August 26th. At that point they will check the baby out head to toe and (hopefully) be able to tell us what the sex is! I'm REALLY excited!

While I do like my regular OB, I think I may be leaning towards using a nurse midwife for the actual delivery. In meeting with some of them it just seems like their philosophies are closer to my own. I also found a book I'm really excited to read in preparation for labor/birth called HypnoBirthing. Its not nearly as weird as it sounds- it's simply about mind over body in regards to pain management. We'll see how that goes.

Life has been incredibly stressful over the past couple of weeks. I have faith that everything will work out, but until then I've tried to keep myself focused on our baby and what a miracle that is every single day. Life is hard, life is unfair, but ultimately life can be good too.

things are going great, and they're only getting better...

Once I realized that I was into my second trimester, I became a little depressed. I couldnt believe that I was 1/3 of the way through my pregnancy... and had not become the type of pregnant mother I always assumed I would be. I had this romantic notion of becoming more spiritual, more in tune with my body and this growing baby. I thought I would devote time to yoga and meditation. That I would read all the pregnancy and birthing books I could get my hands on. That I would refine my eating habits and become even more strict than I was, become healthier than I ever had been. I also imagined that I would immediately become organized and that my home, work, and school life would all somehow become more manageable. That all of a sudden our finances would be 100% figured out.

And none of those things happened.

I have been too busy and exhausted to spend much time on myself. The last thing I've had an extra hour for is yoga. The only book I've manged to read so far is What to Expect when you're Expecting. Its better than nothing, I guess, but its also because it's broken up into short, easy to read sections. Instead of becoming more strict with my eating habits, I've allowed myself to consume things I never would have previously (Sonic milkshakes?). And my life is.... well, its the opposite of organized.

So I really agonized about that. Until recently.

I realized that I am doing the best that I can. When we daydream, we don't figure in real life. Thats the point of a daydream. I'm not saying that my original goals were unattainable, but there was no way I could have known how exhausted I'd be in my first trimester. Or how much work would require of me. And I realized that feeling bad or guilty during this pregnancy is much worse for me (and the baby) than any of the other things I have (or have not) done.

There are also really positive things that have come out of this that I never even knew to daydream about. For example, I have never been so comfortable in my own skin in my entire life. For this first time ever, I feel like my body is perfect. I lost 8 pounds in my first trimester which likely got me down to a good "pre-pregnancy weight", but my belly has been growing and I'm IN LOVE with it. I've been wearing form fitting clothes nearly daily and with a pride I've never known. For a person who has always struggled with body issues (from feeling too thin to feeling too heavy) this is really powerful.

And I also have to realize that this isnt over, its only the beginning! Just this weekend I noticed that my fatigue is starting to wane. I got a sudden burst of energy today that allowed me to clean and organize most of the house. I have plenty of time to read and become more focused. I'm still a fairly healthy eater. I likely did worse in my first trimester because I was too tired to cook and not feeling great so I indulged some cravings. And honestly, if the baby wants an occasional milkshake, I think thats ok.

I'm even signing up for a pre-natal yoga workshop in August.

Things are exactly as they should be.

special day!

So today marks two special occasions- Drew's birthday (29!) and the first official day of my second trimester! It's hard to believe that this is already 1/3 of the way over!

To commemorate, we went out to dinner and then took my 14 week pictures. I feel like I look so much bigger and its only been two weeks since the last photo!

For Drew's birthday, I got him an overnight stay at the Table Mountain Inn in Golden. Its a beautiful room with a balcony and includes a really fancy dinner. I figure it will be a nice mini-getaway before the baby comes. Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze in a few more of those before January.

sleeping beauty

People have been asking me how I feel pretty frequently. Overall, I've been incredibly lucky. I had about 3 weeks worth of moderate morning sickness. That led to about a week's worth of major headaches. Other than that, I've been pretty much "illness free". The doctor even said I could stop taking the hormone supplements.

But my biggest symptom- the one I've had since the beginning and still just can't shake- is exhaustion. I would have never in my life been able to imagine anyone being this tired. It is a completely foreign feeling. I used to be the type of person who jumped right out of bed early in the morning. Now I cant get enough sleep and its like my body has been filled with sand. I'm groggy most of the day, I have a hard time concentrating on things, and every movement takes all of my energy. I love physical activity, yet now walking up one flight of stairs makes me winded. The worst part is that I am usually so self reliant. I take pride in managing my life from home to work and everything in between. Lately, however, I've just been too tired to accomplish much of anything.

Yet I have to admit, as frustrating as it is, it's entirely worth it. I know that every extra ounce of my energy is going into creating or protecting my child. This experience as a whole is something I prayed for, and I feel guilty ever complaining about it. That being said, I've read that for most women, major exhaustion is left behind after the first trimester and that the second trimester is the "golden time". I'm on the last week of my first trimester now. Here's hoping that I get a second wind! (Someone has to organize the house and plan the nursery!)