Afraid of the Dark

Apparently Griffin, at the ripe old age of 5 weeks, is afraid of the dark. Lately when it is time for him to go back to bed after a middle of the night feeding, he shrieks as soon as the light goes off. We found out that if the light stays on, he will just lie in bed and chat to himself peacefully until he drifts off. I think the real issue that he is not ready to go back to bed when mom and dad are at 3 am and the light going off signals "bedtime". I'm not a fan of sleeping with the light on, but these days I'll do what it takes.

Griffin has also been VERY cranky lately. He cries a LOT and the only thing that seems to console him is eating. I called the pediatrician and they seem to think he is going through a growth spurt. All I know is that it's been really exhausting and stressful. More than anything I look at his sweet little face looking so sad and I wish there was something I could do to make him content! Poor guy. I hope he's back to our cheerful boy soon!

day one as the temporary stay-at-home mom

Drew returned to work from his family leave yesterday so it was my first day all alone with the boy. Early on, I was really nervous about this day coming but I gained more and more confidence as I started to physically return to myself. By the time Drew was getting ready for work, I was really sad to see him go because I'd miss him so much, but I knew that I'd be just fine. And I was.

I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't a demanding and exhausting day. Griffin had a few tantrums, refused to nap, and I changed more diapers than I thought was possible. But he did spend some time with me really smiley and alert. And I did manage to find time to shower, do laundry and dishes, visit with my mom and my brother, and even make dinner and bake cupcakes for my Valentine. I felt very accomplished even if I did crawl into bed before 8.

Griffin and I will continue to figure each other out so our days will only get easier. It depresses me to know the next two months will fly by and I'll be back to work before I know it too. Drew and I both lament the idea of daycare daily. It is not how we want Griffin to be raised, especially now, but we don't have a choice. Because of that, I need to remember to appreciate every second I have home with my son while I have it because we'll never have this kind of time together again.

happy baby, happy mama

This has been a great week for both of us! I went back to the doctor as a follow up from my infection. Though she still wants me to take it easy, she seemed to think that the incision has begun to heal really well. I'm also feeling much stronger and more myself so my outlook has been way more positive! A few days later, we went back to the lactation specialist and found out that Griffin gained 12 ounces in a week! I was THRILLED because this means he's made up for some lost time and it also means that he has no difficulty nursing. I feel way more confident about that whole process now.

Thursday I went out alone for the first time in a month.  I hadn't been allowed to drive following the surgery until I saw the doctor again. Just running a few errands felt slightly odd, but really exhilarating. I need to start getting out more!

Though we had a few rough nights this week, Griffin was a champion sleeper last night. I actually got 7 hours of sleep, 5 of which were completely uninterrupted. I don't think I've felt so clear headed in the morning since he's been born. I am hoping for several repeats of that behavior.

My brother is in town to meet Griffin this weekend. He and my parents came over this afternoon to hang out and it was really cool seeing him with the baby. Unfortunately, Griffin was REALLY tired for most of the visit so they didn't get to interact much. I'm hoping he's more alert when we see them for dinner tomorrow.

The only bad part is that Drew has to go back to work on Monday. This was the most time we have ever continuously spent together and I loved every second of it. I got so used to having him around- I'm going to miss him so, so much. I have the most amazing family. I am incredibly lucky.

On Children

I just read the most beautiful excerpt from Khalil Gibran's The Prophet. I've read many parts of that work before, but never in it's entirety and never this particular section. I'm not sure it would have meant so much to me before anyway. I hope to always keep this in mind while parenting our amazing individual.

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Three Weeks!

Griffin is three weeks old today! It blows my mind how fast the time has gone, yet so much has happened in between. I know I haven't done a very good job of keeping up with writing, but lately it seems nearly impossible to eek out any time for myself,even with Drew and I both home. I also had a few personal setbacks. Recovery from the c-section was a bit slow as it was, but then I developed a pretty nasty infection of the incision and uterine lining. It made me incredibly sick for about a week. I got on antibiotics which helped fight the illness, but the pain from the incision has been pretty intense until just recently. I was also dealing with a case of the "baby blues" for a few weeks. Even though I knew I could expect it, and immediately recognized it when it arrived, I was still pretty distant and lethargic while getting over the slump. Life has gotten increasingly better as the days wear on though, not to mention the fact that I think we are all finally figuring out our groove. Having a bit of  a routine always makes things easier.

We celebrated my birthday in the midst of these hectic times. I can't believe that I'm 33! And a parent! That sounds really, really old. When did that happen?? I was so overwhelmed at the time that I was honestly kind of hoping my birthday would be overlooked. I was so busy thinking about Griffin that I didn't know how to think about myself. I have such a wonderful family though and they all made sure that I was taken care of and celebrated. As exhausted as I was, it was actually a very touching day.

We've had lots of visitors come from all over to see Griffin! My grandmother, aunt Chris and aunt Cathy all came the week after he was born. It meant so much to me to have them here, especially my grandmother. Her eyesight has been failing and she'll be completely blind soon, but she was able to actually see her first great-grandchild with her own eyes.

The following week, Drew's mom came and stayed with us.

She was a big help as she cooked for us, changed diapers, and ran errands. It meant a lot to Drew to have a member of his own family here as they are all so far away. My brother is making the trip next weekend and there is rumor that my cousin Colleen will be here then as well. Griffin feels very doted on and loved.

Griffin has surpassed his birth weight which means we now feed him on demand (as opposed to setting my alarm for every 2-3 hours). He's a VERY hungry boy though so I still feel like I spend most of the day feeding him. Luckily the breastfeeding thing gets easier all the time so it's not the dreadful experience it was in the beginning. He is completely over his jaundice which is a huge relief. His only ailment now is a cold he picked up a week or so ago that makes him sound all congested in the evenings. He finally lost his umbilical cord yesterday so he was able to have his first real tub bath! He wasn't a huge fan but hopefully he learns to enjoy it more as he continues to get used to it! I also believe that he is a genius baby. He is already smiling appropriately and he follows movement really intently with his eyes, both of which are milestones that should be weeks away! We figure he'll be doing algebra any day now.

 Scarlett managed to get sprayed by a skunk yesterday. Luckily, we don't think it was a direct hit and she smelled like new after a bath. We also got a big snowstorm overnight so we have a winter wonderland outside our windows. I think its the most snow we've had all year! Other than that, it's just been our (new) life as usual! And we're enjoying every second of it!

The best surprises

I don't think I have ever been as in love with my husband as I was tonight when I came upstairs to find him pacing the bedroom with our newborn son in one arm, his iPod in his free hand, and singing sweetly to soothe the cries away. It is a part of him that I never knew existed before, and maybe a part of myself that I was never aware of too. Parenting has brought out the very best in my partner and I feel so lucky, so warm, so happy, so blessed. Especially since his goodness will help me through those difficult times.