It has been a busy and exhausting and stressful few weeks, hence my lack of regular posting. I haven't been sleeping well lately, so I still don't have much in the way of coherent sentences to post on here, but I figured I should write SOMETHING since I actually have the time!
I am 39 weeks pregnant today! This is my last "milestone" before Evvie is born on Monday! I never posted my 38 week picture, so here it is:
We've also made some progress as far as daycare goes. Our fingers are SO CROSSED that our number one plan comes through. But if it doesn't, we have secured a back up. This process has been miserable for both of us, and has sucked every ounce of our energy- so I think we're ready to throw our hands up and just enjoy life until we have something set in stone... and that wont be until the end of April. Drew reminded me last night (after some tears were shed) that I need to remember how much I love pregnancy- as difficult as it can be- and enjoy the last few precious days I have of it. And he's right- as excited as I am to hold my baby, have my body back, have our questions answered... I will never again experience this beautiful, magical, AMAZING experience again. I'll never be connected to intimately to another human in my life. So yes, my plan is to take a few deep breaths, and enjoy.
My final OB appointment and hospital check-in is tomorrow afternoon. I'm starting to get nervous about the surgery (& resulting recovery) again, but everyone keeps reminding me there is no way it will be as bad as last time. (I am knocking the hell out of some wood, people).
And, I think we're prepared as far as "stuff" goes! We had the car fixed yesterday (the back door on one side wouldn't open... that would have been LOTS of fun to manage with two kids...), we have Evvie's carseat and our new BUS of a double stroller (it's actually pretty sweet...). Evvie's room is complete minus her bumper (which SUPPOSEDLY shipped yesterday) and her canopy (which my mom is still working on). And it's just beautiful.
I think all I have left to do is pack my hospital bag and enjoy Easter! We can DO this! I'm pretty sure that the next time I post, I'll have a baby girl... HOORAY!
This is your last week ever as an only child. I normally write you a letter every 6 months- on your birthday and half birthday, but I missed the last one- the BIG one- for two. I felt so guilty about it- and I still do- but then I realized that in some ways, this is an even bigger milestone for you. In just a week you will be transformed forever into a Big Brother.
And what a Big Brother you will be! You love patting my tummy while telling me we are gentle with the baby. You talk to Evvie all the time, even telling her you love her. You know all about Evvie's room and her things, and you tell us you are excited to meet her. We've always been lucky that you're an incredibly sweet boy in general. You still love to snuggle and give kisses. You rub our backs or pat our heads when we look sad. You are always trying to find ways to help, even if it's just putting on your own shoes. And you're wonderful at sharing, whether its food or your favorite toy.
you thought sharing ice cream with daddy was the BEST thing EVER.
Evvie is SO LUCKY to have you. And one day you will feel lucky to have her. You will have a relationship that no other person will ever be able to fill. Siblings can find ways to irritate you like no one else on the planet ever could, but they will also be your biggest champion. Try to remember that no matter what, you are on the same team.
But I also don't want you to get lost in being a brother. You are your own person and your dad and I adore you for it. You are SO smart- you have been counting to 10 and singing your ABCs. You can name pretty much every super hero and Star Wars character in creation. You are getting better and better at putting together long sentences. You ask us "what's that" CONSTANTLY, but what's cooler is that you recite the answer back to yourself, and you almost always remember for next time! And you LOVE to "read", whether its with us or to yourself. You love to talk to us on the phone when we're away, to tell us we're missed and what you're doing. You and daddy FaceTime me on my late nights at work and it's my favorite time of the day.
You are HILARIOUS. We spent forever just this morning laughing until we cried making faces at each other. You like to try to play tricks on us or catch us with a tickle. And you figure out weirder and weirder things to do if you think we'll find it funny. You're incredibly brave and athletic. I haven't found a single thing that scares you yet. That combined with the fact that you're agile enough to climb and leap off of anything in sight has led to countless potential heart attacks. You have energy that I could never fathom and you could run in circles for days. I think this sums you up pretty well right now:
While I know that your dad and I are doing something wonderful for you by giving you a sister, there are times that it makes me feel a bit guilty. I know this will forever change our family. You're not the only child anymore! I know this will forever change your perspective- you are now a Big Brother with all the responsibility that goes with it! And in some small ways, I am sorry that we made these giant choices for you. But no matter how old you are, no matter what you do, or what is going on in your life, you will ALWAYS be our baby boy. You will ALWAYS be our first born. You will ALWAYS be our only son. You will always be incredibly special to us and will occupy your OWN place in our hearts. You are your own person and we will never forget that. In fact, we honor it.
We took you out to dinner tonight for the last time as a family of three. You LOVE pizza and sports, so we went to Woody's where they have both. For once, there was this supreme balance of you being well behaved and your dad and I having extra patience. I think we all realized it was a special occasion, and we all had a great time. I want to cherish these last few moments I have with you before your sister is born. We're incredibly excited for Evvie's arrival. Being a complete family is going to make our lives even better. And these most certainly will not be the last moments you and I have alone. But they are the last days of us having an only child. The last minutes of our relationship as it exists now, before it grows into something greater. So I want to remember you, my precious little boy, as you are in these moments forever.
I love you more than I could ever put into words, and I always will. You and your sister are the best things that have ever happened to me.
It has been BUSY lately! I'm 36 1/2 weeks pregnant now- less than 3 weeks from meeting baby girl! I actually forgot to have Drew take the 36 week picture last Thursday, so here it is late!
HUGE.
On Saturday we got a few more things done in Evvie's room. We're getting close!
we knew we wanted to hang the window, but couldn't figure out what to put behind it. then Drew found this tree decal- PERFECT!! I think its gorgeous (and I love the lanterns with it!)
Drew also found her these western letters a few weeks ago, so we hung those too. Turned out really cute! (Drew has been impressing me lately)
All we need for the nursery to be complete is the bumper that is being sent to us this week and the canopy that my mom is finishing. I cant wait!
Sunday was my baby shower- and it was BEAUTIFUL. I was conflicted on the idea of a shower to begin with since it's our second baby. I know some people feel strongly that people are only entitled to one. But when my mom offered to throw one, I realized that it is really a welcome to the baby- and a celebration of a new life. And while having your first baby is INCREDIBLY exciting (and you really NEED all the stuff!) this event would be just as special to us- because our daughter is just as important as our son, and because this signifies the completion of our family. Our family now being whole is something we think about a lot, something we really honor. For that reason, this shower was even a bit more meaningful and intimate than our first. So I knew I wanted it to be small, with just my closest friends and family, and that I wanted Drew and Griffin to be there- because they are just as important in this process as I am. Some people couldn't make it- due to distance or time- but it was still such a wonderful experience. We had some DELICIOUS food, laughed a lot- and of course there were adorable presents!
my mom decided on a twinkle, twinkle little star theme & sent everyone home with a set of star cookie cutters
my cousin's wife HAND DECORATED this wrapping paper. I was crazy impressed.
couldn't you just DIE??
We were overwhelmed by love and gratitude. How lucky we are to have such wonderful people in our lives, and to have our daughter be so eagerly anticipated.
Then today, my boss & co-workers threw me a surprise shower!! I knew for weeks that we had a lunch meeting today, but I totally thought it was about budget. I was completely floored when I walked into a decorated conference room! They went all out with food & gifts, and I had a wonderful time. I'm so lucky to work in such a supportive & warm environment!
Tonight as I was putting Griffin to bed, I read him the Big Brother book Betsy got him. It talks all about what its like to be a big brother & how special it is. When it was over I said "and YOU are the big brother!" Griffin got this HUGE look of pride on his face, patted my cheek & said "love her, mommy. baby good." TEARS. Sweetest thing ever. Talk about being lucky. Sigh.
I've been dreaming of salads and lighter meals. I have been pining over canvas shoes and summer dresses. I've been craving watermelon and long walks and warmer days. It doesn't help that I'm also SO uncomfortable now. It lends itself to daydreaming of feeling physically uninhibited while being able to hold my new baby in my arms.
In fact, I've been somewhat obsessed with taking my body back these days, which is weird because I've never been more proud of my body than when I've been pregnant. I lost my pregnancy weight in record time without even trying before, so it's not pounds that I'm concerned with. Instead, it's strength and agility and tone. It is aging well and gracefully instead of uncomfortably. It is gaining energy and drive that I can use with my young family. I never went through this feeling with Griffin, so I'm wondering if there is some sort of subconscious association with my child-bearing being complete. I will never be soft and pregnant again, so it's time to get into shape.
So in addition to the regular seasonal distraction that comes at the end of every long winter, I am also reading health journals and exercise blogs. I am planning active family activities that we can include Griffin and Evvie in. I am scouring the internet for inexpensive nursing sports bras and comfy workout gear. And, I just signed myself up for TWO races to get my ass in gear.
Because of the nature of the surgery (the separation of my abdominal muscles in addition to the multiple layers that are cut and then stitched up) I am not actually allowed to exercise AT ALL beyond gentle stretching and light walking for 6-8 weeks afterwards. And because I am TERRIFIED of going through the recovery I did last time, I am going to be as easy on myself as possible. But after that, I plan on a slow but steady training regimen! My first race (a 5k) is on August 4th, which gives me 8 weeks to train after I'm cleared for cardio. Totally doable! Then my second race (a 10k!!) is on October 6th- which I think gives me a really good and achievable goal. I am excited!
I'm not expecting to ever be a "runner". Even when I was an athlete, it was not something I identified with. But it IS free! And it IS on my schedule! And it IS a phenomenal way to utilize all of my muscles and strengthen my heart and bones. After Evvie is born, I'll need to go back to my pre-pregnancy PCOS diet and medication regimen which will help as well.
If there is one thing I've learned as a parent, it's that life becomes a SERIOUS series of ups and downs. Sure, that can be true for anyone in general, but I never knew the high highs and low lows I've experienced until Griffin was born. And I think it's because all of a sudden, things matter so much more.
So, as per usual, we've been riding the tide lately and have had some amazing days, and some not so great ones. Sunday, for example, was AWESOME. It was nearly 70 degrees, so we got ice cream from the local candy shop and hung out at the park. Griffin fell in love with this HUMONGOUS slide that gave me a heart attack every time I saw his little body fly down it, but he had the time of his life. Seeing his face light up as he screams "wheeee"? Now that is a high high! And later that afternoon, I spent quality time in the kitchen making more freezer meals (this time: chicken curry, jambalaya, spring risotto, chicken & sweet potatoes, and cheesy ham & potatoes) I think I have almost a month's worth of dinners stocked up! Then that night we hung the curtains my mom made and they look absolutely perfect:
the main fabric is gray & white polka dot which matches her crib sheets!
But then Monday morning I noticed that Griffin woke up with a fever. It didn't seem to bother him much, and luckily Drew had the day off anyway. But the fever didn't go away, and when he wasn't on Motrin he was lethargic and not himself- so I stayed home with him today. I was hoping the fever would just break and that would be that, but this afternoon he started in with his infamous cough and so now I'm freaking out.
Griffin has gotten this cough & labored breathing thing probably 7 or 8 times since he's been born, so I should be a seasoned pro. I know he'll look and sound pathetic, but be fine in the long run. I know that calls and visits to the doctor don't help and we just need to be diligent with the suctioning & humidifier and wait it out. But I always have those two hospital stays in the back of my mind, and I panic. Every time I hear him cough I try to remember what the game changer was when he had RSV or when he had the flu and he had to be put on oxygen. Those were the worst days of my life- my low lows- so I really struggle every time I think it could potentially happen again.
It doesn't help that Drew has mandatory training tomorrow and I have a ton of advising appointments followed by the class I teach, so neither of us can stay home. My parents both work, so we don't really have back up. All I can do is cross my fingers and PRAY that he wakes up better. Yet another strike against working parents. I never knew before having kids just how hard our society makes it to support and protect them!
At least I had an OB appointment today and got to listen to Evvie's heartbeat and she is big, strong & healthy. The doctor reminded me that at this point, she could really come at any time so to be prepared! After I got home, Griff and I had a chat about being a big brother. He told me he would be very gentle with Evvie and he patted my stomach. He's the perfect combination of smart and sweet- he'll be the best big brother ever. And that is a high high if I've ever felt one.
