To My Son on New Year's Eve

Dear Griffin,

Here we are on the cusp of a new decade. New Year's Eve has always been one of my favorite holidays- not for the parties, but for the emotions involved in it. There is so much hope, excitement, and possibility. This is a time when people view themselves in new ways, make fresh starts, and dream big. I am overcome by those sentiments and many more this year especially, because not only are we beginning a new year, but you will be joining us very soon- in just a few hours, days, or weeks. Your dad and I can't put our excitement into words. The anticipation of your arrival has been like a New Years in of itself. I stand in your nursery, that your dad and I designed together, and imagine you and all your wonder and potential. I can't wait to meet you and then find out who you will be.

You should know that we dreamed of you long before we knew you. I remember conversations your dad and I would have when we were newly dating when we would talk about the importance of family and how badly we both wanted to be parents one day. The longer we spent together, the stronger our relationship became and we knew that making us into a family would be the most beautiful thing we would ever do. We were so excited to share our love with our babies. Making that happen turned out to be a bit harder than we anticipated and it was occasionally stressful. Sometimes I'd get sad and scared and in self defense I would pretend that maybe I didn't need kids after all. I was always lying to myself and your dad knew it. He'd remind me of what our dreams were, who we were together and he'd tell me it would work out. He was right (as he occasionally tends to be, even if I wont admit it) and the day we found out you were coming was literally the happiest day of our lives. We then went from dreaming ambiguously of a family to dreaming specifically of you.

Even without meeting you, your dad and I have already fallen in love with you. Everything you do makes our hearts melt. The first time I ever saw your little body on the ultrasound I thought you were the most incredible thing I had ever seen. You were just a bean with a big head and a steady heartbeat, but I thought you were so beautiful that I cried. The first time you ever kicked, we were at Invesco Field watching the Broncos and your dad was so excited thinking it was a sign that you'll be a fan like he is. But that couldn't beat the first time he ever felt you kick. He had his hand on my belly and then you moved with all the force I've come to expect from you. He actually jumped back a little, he was so impressed. And you should have seen his face! Since then he's felt you kick a million times (though I get to feel you squirming constantly) and each time he tells me how much he loves his boy and how he cant wait to meet you.

For me, nearing the end of the pregnancy has been a bit bittersweet. Of course I cant wait to meet you and hold you in my arms. But this journey has been such an incredible one, one that you and I have quietly spent together. I have loved getting to know you over the past several months. I think it's so cool that I know you sleep in late (you usually don't start kicking until 9 am or so) but that you like to dance in the early evening. I think it's funny that you will roll and kick and twirl until someone else puts their hand on my stomach and then you freeze. I have adored being able to be selfish with our time. Pretty soon I will have to share you with the world, and while that is how it is meant to be, I will miss you so much.

I want you to know that you should dream big. Don't be afraid to take chances. Don't let anyone- especially us- tell you that what you want for your life isn't possible. Your dad and I will always want you to be happy, safe, and supported and we will do everything in our power to make sure you always feel that way. You are full of incredible potential and no matter who you end up being, you will be a very special distinct individual. Sometimes we will have to say no, sometimes we will make you angry. That is natural, even if it feels bad at the time, and it is only because we do want you to be safe, and we do want to help guide you on your path. Sometimes we will make mistakes, because even your dad and I are only human, and I hope you will forgive us and remember just how much you are wanted and loved.

We are bringing you into a world that is scary and awe inspiring all at once. We are still picking up the pieces of a war that should have ended years ago. Social injustices are committed every day, even here in America where people try to pretend that we are the moral heroes. Our food system is broken in an incredibly inhumane and non-sustainable way. Our government is split in such a way that we cant accomplish things like getting healthcare for all of our citizens. I hope those things sound crazy to you one day, but I apologize for the hand my generation has played in it even though many of the people your dad and I surround ourselves with are dreamers and change makers. At the same time, there is much in the world that I am proud of, that I can't wait for you to know. You will be born while our nation's first black president is in office. While I'm sad it took this long, it was a momentous time in history. Some people have been disappointed in him, but your dad and I still think that he is a good man with brilliant ideas who just needs to be given the opportunity to act. It will be interesting to see how you view him years from now. This is also an amazing time for technology and we are connected in ways that we never have been before. I hope that you are able to be close friends with your cousin William, or laugh face to face with your Uncle Brian, for example, because of it. And while there are still hateful people in the world, I truly believe that there are a vast many more with good hearts. People who want the best for the world. People who seek positive change on small and large scales. I know you will be one of them and I hope you will find many others as you grow up. I know that we will always have things to fear, but my hope is that the list grows ever smaller in your lifetime.

You, Griffin, are the most important person in our lives. On this New Years Eve, and always, your dad and I think about your potential, who you will be, which parts of you come from us and which parts are just purely you. Instead of resolutions, I am just going to try to be the best mama I can possibly be for you. I already have so many plans. We are so excited for what the future holds and we cant wait to share it with you. But before you change the world, you will be our amazing, beautiful, perfect baby and I promise you we will cherish those moments for ever and ever too.

Love,

mom

intense nest

I don't know if there is really a "nesting hormone" or if I've just been taking advantage of my time off, but the past week or so has been even busier for me than usual as far as getting the house clean and organized. I  went through old files in my office and literally recycled pounds of paper that I don't need anymore. We also had the carpets cleaned the other day and they've never looked better. Everything in Griffin's room has been washed, folded, and put in its place.  Then today was my big task- the kitchen! Our space in that room is VERY limited and I've been frustrated lately with things being difficult to access (i.e. on top of the cabinets) or hard to find (i.e. buried in the "catch all" drawer) so I decided to tackle it. I started by doing a big purge and getting rid of all the items I never use to donate to Goodwill. Then I took the items I rarely use (the blender, my tiny crock pot) and put them in a plastic tub to store in the basement. This didn't free up a TON of space, but I was able to move my KitchenAid mixer and family sized crockpot into more accessible places and the cabinets are more organized. The "catch all" drawer is also much emptier and easier to find things in so I'm feeling pretty good about that project. For the first time in years I feel like the kitchen makes some sense!

I had another midwife appointment yesterday and I met the last of the clinic's four midwives. This was good because they do rotations and if "our" midwife isn't available, it will be the midwife on call delivering Griffin- so I'm glad I'm now familiar with each of them! They're all incredible and I adore them all so luckily I will not be heartbroken regardless! Since I'm 39 weeks, she offered to check for dilation and effacement. My clinic's midwives don't generally do that before 39 weeks because even routine exams can sometimes disturb the body's natural processes, but at this stage, they present it as a choice. I decided against it this time, since technically Griffin is still on schedule- I'm just leaving him alone to do his thing. But if he still hasn't arrived by my next appointment (scheduled for his due date!) I might have them check then. The exciting news is that Griffin seems to have moved into proper birth position and is facing my back! He could always decide to turn again, but at least for right now I'm proud of his compliance.

Drew bought me a fun "how to care for baby" book for Christmas and in reading it, I found out that because newborns have a difficult time regulating their internal temperature, you're supposed to keep the house between 68 and 72 degrees at all times. I thought Drew would throw a party considering that I generally keep the thermostat at 65 when we're up and 58 when we're in bed, and he always complains that he's freezing. I must have finally gotten to him though (either that or he's already morphing into dad mode) because he was all irritated and started mumbling about all the extra money this is going to be costing us! Luckily we're on a set budget for our gas and electric so we likely wont see the increase until next year!

I finally packed my hospital bag so I think we're ready to go when the moment comes. I'm hoping that means that the next few days (if there is no impending labor) will be comfortable and relaxing. What an amazing way to cap off this decade. Happy New Year, everyone!

An Incredibly Merry Christmas

Drew and I have had an amazing weekend so far. We are both blissfully exhausted and I feel like I may actually be able to sleep through the night tonight. Now THAT is a great gift!

Drew was able to share Christmas face to face with several of his far away family members this year through video chat. We're so lucky that technology has come so far at a time when we live far away from home. It meant a lot to Drew and made him feel much more connected. It will continue to be a huge blessing once Griffin is born. Our loved ones will easily be able to get to know him and watch him grow!

Speaking of which, among other things, my parents got us a Flip video camera and a touchscreen digital camera for Christmas. They wanted to be sure that Griffin is well documented. We are feeling like quite the tech-savvy parents-to-be! They will be awesome to have- both for us, and for sharing all the cute things Griffin will surely do with our loved ones far and wide!

This has also been quite the culinary Christmas. I got several gifts that will make my life WAY easier (and healthy!) in the kitchen while also parenting a newborn. Betsy got me a sweet bread maker. I'm so excited to smell fresh bread baking this winter while I take care of my new son. Something seems incredibly homey about that. Drew also got me a really cool rice cooker/ vegetable steamer. It cooks several things at once and is programmable so I can just stick ingredients in, flip it on, and dinner is DONE! The thought he put into that was beyond sweet.

Griffin even got a few gifts from family members without his even being here yet! It really moves me to see how loved he is already. He will be well dressed, well stocked, and will have plenty to keep him entertained for a long time to come. It makes us feel as prepared as we can possibly be!

Overall, we feel spoiled and adored by each other and by both of our families. We are incredibly lucky- and I am honest when I say it is not something we take for granted. I can't wait for Griffin to get to know and love everyone that surrounds us the way we do.

And the best gift of all is still on his way! Any day now, baby boy!

and now the festivities can begin!

I had my weekly appointment with the midwife today and things continue to be wonderful! I haven't gained any weight in two weeks (which is nothing short of a miracle given the number of holiday treats I've consumed lately). She actually said that is totally normal- most women's weight gain either significantly slows down or stops entirely towards the end of the pregnancy. She also said that what matters is not the weight you gain from week to week, but the total amount you gain over time, and that I am exactly where they want to see me! Griffin  is getting bigger though (right on target for his age) and his heartbeat continues to be strong! Griffin also seems to be "engaged", or dropped into my pelvis in preparation for birth. Unfortunately he's still not facing my back like he should be. Instead he's just flipped to the other side (and is facing my left) so I'll have to continue the exercises! I am now on a regimen of raspberry leaf tea 3 times a day. It is completely safe for babies after 37 weeks and it helps prepare women for labor by strengthening the uterus and ripening the cervix. I'll take every little bit of help I can get!

This was a really amazing week at work. I was insanely busy, but I feel so accomplished. I finished as much as I could prior to going on vacation since I'm not clear if I'll actually be back before spring! I don't think my desk has looked so good since I started my job. While the prospect of having others do my work for 3 months makes me a bit nervous (I'm not sure what to expect when I return!), I can feel good knowing that I left things organized and without too many loose ends! I should go on maternity leave more often!

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year! Christmas Eve is always so magical & captures the entire holiday season for me. Drew and I have a Christmas Eve tradition of having a fancy candlelit dinner at Marlowe's downtown before walking across the 16th Street Mall to enjoy the holiday lights and see a Christmas movie. We realized that this may be the last time for quite awhile that we'll be able to do that so I plan to take full advantage. Then when we get home I'll get to crawl in bed and watch a Christmas Story! I've probably seen that movie a hundred times and it just never gets old. I love that I can turn it on at any point during the 24 hours it's on and pick up like I never left off. I hope Griffin loves it as much as I do one day!

Scarlett, Dog Psychic

If the dog is any indication, then I will be going into labor soon. Granted, "soon" is subjective, and we are talking about the actions of a hyper-sensitive, if not slightly neurotic cattle dog. But Scarlett knows something is up and she will NOT leave my side. She greets me at the door when I get home, hovers at my feet while I make dinner, tries to crawl in my lap while I fold laundry, and sleeps through the night curled into my side. She's being very protective and I have to believe that it's because Griffin is *fairly* imminent. Either that or she's just cold and she doesn't know how to tell me to buy her a sweater. Here she is barely visible over my enormous belly.

One of my friends told me the last month of pregnancy was the hardest. At the time I was only midway through the blissful second trimester and I didn't believe her. But MAN, was she right. The weight I am carrying around now winds me after the slightest bit of exercise. At the end of the day, my feet and back are throbbing. Every time I walk, Griffin's head bounces against my bladder. I can barely bend over at all and I am ALWAYS tired. I have constant heartburn and my hips feel like they're going to shatter. I think what makes it worse than the first trimester exhaustion is that the end is so close but so far away. He could be here tomorrow, yet he's being elusive. I want to allow him all the time he needs, but in the back of my head I'm thinking "but you ARE full term, sooo... any day now, buddy". It's still not HORRIBLE and I know I'm still very lucky compared to what a lot of women go through. I just know I have a really tough day ahead of me at some point soon and the longer this goes on, the bigger and more exhausted I get. I'll still find the strength when the time comes, it's just been easier to complain lately than usual. We're at 38 weeks on the nose today and the "typical" range for births is 38-42 weeks (with 40, or the due date, being the average). I'm hoping Scarlett is right on this one!

I figure the last few weeks are tough so that I don't miss him quite so much when he's born & not with me everywhere I go anymore. :)

Au Naturale

I had another conversation with someone yesterday who became horrified when they heard I was not planning on having an epidural during labor. While most people seem respectful of my decision, for some reason I have had to defend myself several times now to people who think that I don't understand the concept that it will be an extremely painful experience for which there is a "cure". I have no doubt that I will hurt in ways that I can't even conceive of- and I'm not looking forward to that. I think it is human nature to avoid pain and I certainly understand why many women choose to have epidurals. I am also not trying to be a "hero" or "prove" anything. Instead, I did a LOT of reading and research- on all sides of the issue. I weighed the pros and cons and I made the decision that for my own personal situation, it would be best for me and for Griffin if I avoided all medication and as much medical intervention as possible. It wasn't an easy decision or something I went into blindly. It is still occasionally scary. But the fact that my reasons for it are so important to me gives me a lot of confidence and strength. So here are a few of those reasons:

1. Epidurals completely numb you from approximately the breastbone down. The problem is, they do such a good job that it renders you unable to carry your own weight or walk. You are also attached to the epidural drip for the length of your need for medication. That is the nature of current epidurals- if there ever was, there is no longer any such thing as a "walking epidural". It is a proven fact that women should be as active as possible during their labors, with laying in bed being the very worst position you could be in. Walking, stretching, and light exercise all help speed up the labor process by allowing gravity to move the baby down and to allow your hips and pelvis to widen giving the baby an easier passage. It also naturally moves the baby into proper position if for some reason he is facing the wrong way or his head isn't in the best place to push forward.

2. Epidurals can actually slow or stop your natural labor progression and decrease the strength and frequency of your contractions. This usually begins a cycle of adding pitocin (or some other labor stimulant) to speed up the delivery (which then creates a need for higher dosages of the pain medication). The pitocin can also lead to harder and stronger contractions than the mother would naturally have which can lead to injuries to both the mother and baby during labor. This same cycle also leads to a much increased chance of needing assistance in the birth of the baby ranging anywhere from the use of forceps or vacuum to eventually needing a c-section.

3. Being completely numb means that you do not feel your contractions or the need to push in the same way. This means that you have to rely on medical personnel to tell you when to push, how hard, and for how long as opposed to just having the natural urge. This can lead to women bearing down harder and longer than the contraction actually calls for which has frequently led to injuries of the pelvic floor, extended urinary and rectal incontinence, unnecessary tears of the perineum, and fetal distress.

4. While labor (particularly transition) in general can lead to nausea, epidurals can create a significant drop in the mother's blood pressure which leads to an even higher risk of nausea and vomiting. That same drop in blood pressure also means that the baby must be continuously monitored to make sure they are getting proper blood flow.

5. Epidurals can create a "sleepy baby" being born. This slightly drugged state can lead to a problem in initial interest in breastfeeding and/ or inability to latch. The first attempts at breastfeeding (usually within the first hour of birth) have been shown to be the most important as far as creating the routine and this can lead to continued problems breastfeeding throughout infancy. It can also lead to despondency in general for the newborn preventing initial bonding.

6. Epidurals can slow or prevent some of the natural hormones the mother excretes following labor. This can lead to problems delivering the placenta, problems with milk coming in, and even decreased bonding. This change in natural hormone secretion can also lead to an increased chance of post-partum depression.

It is true that not every woman experiences these effects, or if they do, they may be worth it to them for the fact that they did not have to suffer. In some cases, women are so fearful of the pain or process that they would never be able to relax and focus on their labors otherwise, making being medicated far more humane and worth any risk. I respect the choices each individual mother makes because I am sure that they are made with the best of intentions for themselves and their babies. I am positive that no mother takes labor and delivery lightly. Again, this particular decision is mine. It doesn't mean that I think it is what everyone should do or that anyone else's decision is wrong. I personally do not believe that labor is an illness that needs to be treated and it was important to me to try to do my best to avoid the risks above as much as possible. I have every confidence in the world that left to its own devices, my body is equipped to birth my son with little if any assistance.

Drew and I have done a lot of reading and have attended classes regarding childbirth and pain management. We are not unprepared, naive, or going into it blindly. As painful as I know it will be, we are actually excited about the experience. We have also learned some meditation techniques that I believe have the ability to make the experience less painful in general. I will also be completely honest- and this may be the part that sounds crazy- I believe that this will actually be a spiritual experience for me. Everything Drew, Griffin and I have gone through together so far in the pregnancy and will go through together in the labor will culminate in the few short moments of birth and I want Griffin and I both to be fully present for that.

That being said, no two labor experiences are exactly the same and there is no way to predict how one will turn out. I am not so committed to my plan that I would risk the health or life of myself or my son- so if something came up that required medical intervention, I would ensure it was necessary and then go forward with it without any guilt.

So that is the relatively short version of how I got to where we are with the natural childbirth issue. Maybe next time someone says "you're joking, right?", "you know how painful that is?", "you're crazy", or "you dont have to prove anything to anyone" I will just refer them to this post.

Wish us luck in the coming weeks! :)

the countdown begins!

The University closes at noon tomorrow (likely in lieu of a holiday bonus) and my winter break starts on Christmas Eve. I just realized that depending on when Griffin shows up, I may only have 4 1/2 days of work left from now until the beginning of April! Its hard for me to imagine right now since work has been insanely busy and stressful lately. Its VERY exciting though!

The people at work have started a due date pool. Their guesses range from Christmas Day to January 11th! I'm getting to the point where I really hope it's sooner rather than later- I'm tired & swollen... but more than anything, I think we're both just excited and finally feel ready so the wait is getting harder and harder. Drew tells me almost every day how he wants his baby boy to be here now! Griffin can have the extra time if he needs it though... all I really care about is that he is healthy and he comes when he is ready!

turn around, bright eyes...

Last week my midwife did a routine check for group B strep. It is, apparently, very common in women although most never even know they have it- it only becomes dangerous if transmitted to an infant during birth. I was nervous about it because the treatment is IV antibiotics during labor and I am trying to avoid being "hooked up" to anything as much as possible. My next appointment was this morning though and I found out that I tested negative for it! That was a big relief. Everything else looks really good- we continue to be right on target as far as weight, size and heartbeat. Griffin is still in head down position which is good, but the midwife said he's currently facing the wrong way (he is right posterior which means he is halfway facing my front- a position that could lead to a bit more of a difficult and painful labor). He could very well flip over on his own, but just in case she gave me some gentle exercises to do a few times a day to encourage him to move. Roll over, little guy! Mama does not want to deal with back labor!

full term!

Since Griffin is 37 weeks today, he is officially considered full term! That means its now completely up to him- we can expect him anytime between now and mid-January. I'm so excited- I cant wait to meet him!

To celebrate, Drew paid our daycare deposit and installed our car seat. We're ready!

not quite Christmas...

We are the proud new patients of a pediatrician! Well, I guess I should say Griffin is. But I am VERY excited and feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The doctor I met with is young but very experienced, shares our philosophies on things like vaccinations (we WILL vaccinate, but with an open dialogue), antibiotics (not unless absolutely necessary), holistic approaches (i.e. lifestyle and nutrition can be just as important as "medicine"), and breastfeeding (it is the best possible option, especially up until 6 months, but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out). He is also the doctor that my mommy network ADORES so I feel really comfortable with him.

Last night we went to a party for my friend's 30th birthday and I realized that it was probably the last party we'll go to for a REALLY long time. I know that our lives won't end when Griffin is born, but they will definitely be WAY different. We'll be on an very tight budget, we'll be on a schedule (and most likely beyond exhausted), and honestly- I think it will take me awhile to be comfortable with babysitters, even if those "sitters" are close friends or family! I figure any "outings" I have in the short term after he is born will consist of short lunch or coffee trips with my girlfriends while Drew supervises Griffin. But that is ok! Drew and I talk all the time about how we've definitely lived it up and we're ready for what this change means. Especially since the "change" consists of spending all our time with this amazing tiny human we've been waiting all our lives to meet!

Today we bought some items for me to back in my hospital bag. I got a couple pairs of super comfy pajama pants- one to labor in and one for the next day. I got a nursing bra and a nursing tank top (which I found are hard to size prior to your milk actually coming in, btw), an amazingly soft and snuggly robe (Drew was adorable and INSISTED I get it for after getting out of the jacuzzi tub at the hospital), a hand held massager, and a few other things. Chances are, I'll be in such a state that I wont care about any of those things, but at least I am prepared for if and when I do!

I didn't do as much bulk cooking as I meant to today. Just a huge vat of chicken and rice soup. It will still be good to have on hand and I intend to make a batch of beef stew for freezing in the crock pot this week. Drew and I are contemplating buying a small deep freezer. I figured it would be so much easier to save leftovers or buy in bulk that way. And one day I do anticipate having a beautiful and bountiful garden and I'll need someplace to put all those gorgeous veggies! :) There are good deals on them both at Costco and Target and Drew made room in the basement for one, so we'll see. Maybe it will be our big Christmas gift to ourselves.

We saw our neighborhood holiday lighting on Friday night. We wrapped and mailed a bunch of Christmas presents yesterday and I'm shipping more tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon is our annual catered holiday lunch and white elephant exchange. We've started our Christmas cards, we light the tree every night, and I'm coming up with cookie recipes to bake next weekend. We're also spending tonight watching Frosty the Snowman and Frosty Returns. Yet I'm just not completely in the Christmas spirit yet! I think that is largely due to the fact that it has been so unseasonably warm and sunny here lately. I know I shouldn't complain because it's actually been gorgeous, but 60 and bone dry is NOT how I picture the holidays. Drew reminded me how lucky we actually are- we haven't had to worry about me getting into an icy car accident or slipping and falling while pregnant- and those actually were big worries I had when I found out I was having a winter baby. And chances are we'll make it to the hospital and back just fine as opposed to my parents nearly 33 years ago when I was born between two blizzards! So while I do still pray for a white Christmas (at least a dusting!) I will also count my blessings. And we'll be able to tell Griffin one day how he was born during the warmest and driest winter we have experienced in Denver.

nine months and counting.

Today we are officially 36 weeks! That's 9 months, in case you were wondering. We are mere weeks away from meeting our baby! Its a bit overwhelming actually.

Seemingly overnight I entered that "wow, is this uncomfortable" stage that mothers endure in their last stages of pregnancy. I have gotten larger than I ever thought possible, with some of my maternity clothes even feeling a bit snug now. The bi-weekly tank top barely covers all of baby. We might have to think of a different outfit for our 38 week picture so that I can remain fully clothed! I am tired and achy, it is hard for me to get out of some positions, I can no longer tie my own shoes (though Drew lovingly helps me out), and I have to pee every two seconds. I was literally walking out of the restroom this afternoon when I had to pee again. Ugh. BUT- I still wouldn't trade this experience for anything. Each of my complaints is tempered with "but I am still the luckiest person in the world". I seriously feel that way.

Drew and I made the decision to put a deposit on the really nice daycare we visited a few weeks ago with the odd hours. We are trusting our gut instinct in the daycare down the street and we are going to have to work together to make this other place work out with me dropping Griffin off in the morning and Drew picking him up in the evening. Hopefully Drew's schedule doesn't change and he doesn't get ordered overtime very often (if ever) because we pay $10 for every 15 minutes we're late. Yikes.

So my Masters degree was posted today which means I have officially graduated. We went out to dinner at a new place I've been wanting to try to celebrate the accomplishment (and the end of classes and homework) as much as our last few weeks of freedom. It was an INCREDIBLE meal- both the food and the conversation. We talked about how lucky we feel because our relationship has actually grown so much stronger through the pregnancy. We fight less, we appreciate each other more, we look at each other and get big grins on our faces... and all in the midst of facing some of the biggest stresses we've had in our lives. I think growing from a couple into a family has made us recognize and appreciate all we are- our strengths as well as our weaknesses. I'm excited about sharing this adventure- and even more excited to watch the love of my life develop into an incredible father. We are beyond lucky.

another busy weekend

This weekend marked the first of the final four we have prior to Griffin's due date. Putting it in those terms really keeps me focused on everything we have to do prior to his arrival. This weekend was actually awesome. We got a ton accomplished and we also managed to have some fun.

Saturday was our childbirth preparation class. It was wonderful and I'm so glad we went. I feel way more prepared than I did beforehand. I think the fact that both of us now have a clear idea of what will happen throughout the process put us at ease. As opposed to the doula that taught our pain management class, it was clear that the nurse teaching this class had MUCH different opinions on induction, consistent monitoring/ intervention, and medication than I have- but I actually thought that was great. I've seen both sides of the coin, heard all of the information, and I can say that every decision we make is based on all of the facts! The other good thing is that if something happens beyond my control that causes me to deviate from my birth plan, I know what to expect. Drew is being even more supportive now that he feels informed and he knows exactly how he will help during my labor. He keeps telling me how strong I am and how proud he is of me which is awesome and honestly a pretty major change. Before our classes he'd ask me fairly regularly if I was scared and tell me how much he thought it was going to hurt! I am getting really excited!

After our class, we went to Blossoms of Light at the Botanic Garden. I have been wanting to do this for YEARS, so I was thrilled. This weekend was free for members so we were happy about the deal. Unfortunately, I think EVERY member had the same idea and it was insanely crowded- which meant there were a few annoying moments. Luckily the lights were INCREDIBLE which made up for the crowds, and now we know for the future to go during a less busy time! I do think it would be a great place to take Griffin in the future- the setting is magical and is interspersed with carolers, vendors selling hot cocoa, mulled cider, and roasted nuts, and people making ice sculptures. Crowds or not, it put me into a ridiculously good mood.

Today we got lots of work done around the house. We cleaned and organized (my tupperware cabinet is no longer a hazard!) and I spent several hours cooking. I made spinach and cheese lasagna, sausage spaghetti sauce, and macaroni & cheese from scratch. Everything is currently cooling and setting in the fridge and I'll pack everything up to be frozen tomorrow. Next weekend will be beef stew, chicken and rice soup, and one more recipe yet to be determined. At least we'll eat well in the weeks after Griffin is born! Of course this means that I am now insanely exhausted and I cant wait to crawl into bed!

But my favorite parts of the weekend were spent snuggling with Drew under the blankets watching tv. It was incredibly relaxing and Drew got to feel Griffin constantly dance against my stomach and ribcage. The bigger he gets, the more adamant he is that we pay attention to him. At this point, he's impossible to miss!

Tomorrow Drew's Uncle Andy and his wife will be here on their way across country with a U-Haul apparently full with a hippopotamus and maybe a crocodile or something that have been stuffed following an African hunting safari. We're meeting them for dinner and are really excited to see them- and at least there will be lots to talk about!

a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last

I cant believe we're already into December. This is the very last full month that Drew and I will ever spend childless. It is exciting and scary all at once.

A lot needs to get done this month- some chores, some planning, some basic tasks, even some personal development. I figured I'd put it all down in a list- I feel more organized that way. And then hopefully we'll get it all accomplished.

1. Mail Christmas presents. Last year I thought 10 days was plenty of time and the things we sent to California still showed up late. Luckily some of our gifts this year were internet orders and went out already. The rest we are shipping to their various homes on December 11th. (which means I need to spend next week wrapping and finding boxes...)

2. Write and send Christmas cards. I feel like we have a bit more time for this, but not much.

3. Finish reading Hypnobirthing. Its been AMAZING so far and has made me feel so much more relaxed about the labor and delivery process already. I still have a few chapters to go though- and I haven't even listened to the CD once yet!

4. Find a pediatrician!! I have appointments with a couple next week. I'm really hopeful because they are REALLY convenient (5 minutes from home and at the other end of the hallway from my midwives!) I found out after scheduling my meetings that one of them is really highly recommended by my mommies group. Fingers crossed!

5. Look into some other childcare options. I found out today that the YMCA (our #1 choice) is not taking any more babies until May and even then our priority falls after several siblings. It was heartbreaking. We went ahead and told her to keep our name on the list just in case, but it means we will need care for at least a month after I go back to work and maybe longer if we don't get in at all. We do have a space secured at the facility down the street and if worse comes to worse, we can send him there. I just feel so uneasy about it and that tells me something. I will see if there are any other centers we can try (though I think we've exhausted our resources) so in the meantime, I am going to start investigating in home care. *sigh*

6. Cook, cook, cook! My plan is to do big batch cooking every weekend this month and freeze most of it. That way Drew and I should have plenty of meals waiting for us when we are just too tired and/or busy with Griffin to cook. If it works out, I may continue throughout the year to help with getting meals together after work. (so any of my friends & family out there with awesome make ahead meal recipes, feel free to e-mail me!)

7. Finish cleaning and organizing the house. One of my biggest pet peeves is feeling disorganized and not being able to find things. Drew and I want our lives to be as simple as possible once Griffin arrives. This means getting rid of a lot of the clutter and unnecessary items we've had building up for years. We spent two weekends in the basement, last weekend were the dressers and closets. We don't have very much left to do (I'm thinking kitchen cabinets and my office among other things) but I'm excited for everything in the house to either go away or have a home within the next couple of weeks!

8. Take some more classes. Drew and I have our all day childbirth preparation class this Saturday. I was thinking it would also be helpful to take a breastfeeding class and the "how to deal with the new baby" class (i.e. diapering/ bathing etc). I don't know if those classes are offered in December so maybe I'm too late- but I'll call tomorrow!

9. Finalize my birth plan, give a copy to my midwife and keep a copy to take to the hospital. We completed the basic birth plan that the hospital provides, but I would like to write something up a bit more detailed.

10. Pack my hospital bag! Drew is SO sweet and already packed up some of my favorite movies and bought me lots of Gatorade to take with me (lest I get dehydrated). I still need to get clothes together, put songs into a playlist for my ipod, toiletries, the camera, and Griffin's "coming home" outfit!

11. Get work under control. I feel like this is my most daunting task by far. I keep wanting to wrap things up so that I can leave a clean desk for the people picking up my slack while I'm on leave. But instead I have gotten even more projects and paperwork so I'm feeling buried. I guess I can only do what I can do and they will manage... but it is a huge area of stress for me right now.

12. Enjoy the holidays! Every year I have the intention of making a great holiday season but then when it comes down to it I come home from work too exhausted to do anything and it all feels rushed and last minute until all of a sudden it's mid January! This year I got all of my shopping out of the way early. I want to watch all the bad holiday movies, do some baking (which I NEVER do), drive around looking at Christmas lights, and enjoy every second I can with Drew.

I'm sure there are some things here that I'm forgetting. I'll write them down as they come to me. I do hope that it is, in fact, a long December! We have a lot to do before the new year!

Sleep Deprivation (frustration)

I thought I was over the whole insomniac thing. My nighttime back pain seemed to have gone away and I haven't had heartburn in weeks. I'm getting to the size where it's difficult to change positions, but once I get comfortable I'm usually set for the night. Yet here I am at 1:30 am (up since 11) typing away. I can't figure it out- I feel fine & I'm not worried about anything. Maybe I'm just dreading the end of the long weekend so much my body is subconsciously demanding that I continue to enjoy as much of it as possible before the return to work tomorrow (today).

In fun news, we found out that our friends we went to the football game with are expecting! We are thrilled for them- and for us! It will be so nice to have friends going through a similar phase in their lives and since our kids will only be 7 months apart, they will be able to play together! They are also planning on a natural childbirth so it is AWESOME to have someone else out there who doesn't think I'm insane!

I got a new night stand yesterday. I know it doesn't exactly seem worth mentioning, but I am excited because it replaces the GIANT end table that we used to have there & now gives me much more space for the play yard/ bassinet that Griffin will be sleeping in his first few months. I have every intention of nursing him and I hope it works out because I am really excited to just be able to roll over & grab him in the middle of the night when he needs to be fed as opposed to going all the way downstairs in the cold winter night to make him a bottle.

I've been wondering when the little boy will actually show up. His due date is January 5th, but I've been reading that most first babies are late, averaging up to a week past their due dates! All I care about is that he avoids all of the holidays. I really want him to be able to have a day all his own. And I'd love to not have to go back to work following winter break although since that ends January 3, a few days at least seems inevitable. Other than that, I don't think I'd mind him coming a little late... If he does, 1/11/11 seems like a cool day to be born! We'll see what he's got in mind!

Now I'm off to try to get in a little bit of sleep before we're back to the grind!

tree of life

Its been such a great weekend and beginning to the holidays! My boss let us out at noon on Wednesday so I was able to go with my mom to pick my brother up from the airport. This was a short trip for him so it was nice to have some extra time together. On Thanksgiving, I spent the morning cooking and we had a video chat with Betsy and Guy. Betsy got Drew a Kinect for Christmas and communication with family has been one of its biggest perks! We can just sit on our couch and see people on the big screen! That afternoon we went over to my parents house for dinner. The food was AMAZING- one of the best in recent history- and it was fun to hang out with the family (including Tito). Unfortunately, I think I ate WAY too much, especially for being 8 months pregnant and not having much room for anything anymore. It meant that I was incredibly uncomfortable all night and didn't sleep well AT ALL.

That also meant that I was up and at 'em pretty early on Black Friday. Since we live right around the corner from Target we stopped by to check out the sales and we ended up finishing 90% of our Christmas shopping! We found great deals on the same things we were already planning on buying and the crowds weren't even that bad. We met my parents and brother for lunch at Cherry Creek and then had to say goodbye to Brian since his plane left really early this morning. Luckily he'll be back for Christmas! When we got home, we did some internet shopping which means that we are now 100% FINISHED!!!! I am REALLY excited about the fact that I now have the rest of the month to relax and enjoy the holiday season (and our last month EVER as merely a couple!).

Today we got up early and did a lot of cleaning and organizing. This purging process has been ongoing in our "nesting" phase prior to Griffin getting here! We got rid of a ton of clothes that were just taking up room in our closets and we donated 3 garbage bags full to Goodwill! Always a good feeling. Today was GORGEOUS- sunny and nearly 60 degrees- so when we were done with our chores, we decided to drive up to Boulder and spend the day outside. We spent hours walking around and it was draining but also felt really good. While we were there, I found a really sweet book called The Night You Were Born. I haven't bought Griffin much myself yet... in some way I just felt like it was slightly bad luck. But this book made me misty just flipping through it in the store so I felt like it was a sign. Apparently I'm REALLY emotional about it though because I started reading it to Drew in the car on the way home and I literally could NOT get through it without breaking down! I kept laughing at myself between sobs and Drew told me I have to get over it before Griffin is born or else I'm going to freak him out whenever I read it!

When we got home, we decided to do our Christmas decorating! We are going really light this year since Griffin will be coming at the end of the holiday season! We want things to be as easy as possible when putting things away! Because of that, we went with the fake tree. It never feels exactly right when we do that. I always miss the tradition of picking one out, the beauty of the living tree, and the smell of pine. But I added extra lights and garland and once our ornaments were on it, it was absolutely beautiful! I hadn't gotten into the holiday spirit yet, even with all the shopping we did, but now with our house looking so pretty I'm really excited about it!

Once everything was decorated, Drew sat me in front of the tree and turned out the lights so we were just illuminated by the Christmas lights. He surprised me with a graduation present he had custom made while we were in Boulder! This picture doesn't do it justice AT ALL (I took it with my iPod) but it is a tree of life necklace with a tiny "g" charm to represent Griffin! It is literally the most perfect, gorgeous piece of jewelry I've ever owned and the sweetest gift I've ever gotten. I never want to take it off. My husband is so romantic- I'm a lucky girl.

Tomorrow we're going to the Broncos game with some friends. Apparently Drew scored free club level seats! I hope its comfortable, even for a really pregnant lady! Its been so nice being off- Monday is going to be REALLY difficult!

perhaps it will be 6 pounds of stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Here is me at 34 weeks! I cant believe that its possible for me to get even bigger. I feel HUGE! But between now and our due date, I am supposed to gain another 6 pounds! Its getting harder to get dressed, get in and out of the car, and even cook (putting salmon into the broiler was comical). Luckily, it has been easier lately for me to sleep (just as breathing is getting harder). Just 6 more weeks now!

This has been another busy week or so for us! I am wondering if it will continue like this straight up until the day I give birth! I hope not as I am getting REALLY TIRED. But at least school is done so that is one less thing to worry about! My degree will be certified after grades post, but the "conferral date" of my Masters will be the last day of the quarter- November 22. So technically, I have already graduated!

We toured two more daycares over the past week. The first one we were REALLY excited about. The classrooms were beautiful, the staff was really nice and well educated, they hold a "date night" once a month so parents can go out, and everything was really modern and high tech. The problem is that it is 10 minutes completely out of the way for me and their hours are crazy- 7:30 to 5:30. There is no way I'd be able to drop Griffin off and get to work on time- and even if I adjusted my hours to accommodate it, there is then no way I'd be able to pick him up without being late & paying fines every day. So that place, sadly, is out. Then this week we toured another facility which was the exact opposite. It seemed dirty, it smelled bad, they had a HUGE baby to staff ratio (more than I feel is legal...), the entrances were left wide open so anyone could wander in, and a baby was SHRIEKING the entire time we were there. We were just NOT comfortable with it. So its back to the drawing board with fingers crossed on the YMCA & the place down the street as backup. Sigh.

We also took two classes over the past week. Last week was "baby business" where we took a more comprehensive, informational tour of the facility (still adore it, by the way) and then we turn in our initial birth plan, insurance information, registration paperwork and birth certificate form. Speaking of the birth certificate form, Griffin's full name has been decided! He is officially Griffin Carlisle Keefer. Carlisle is a family name that was carried down from my mom's side of the family. It was most recently my grandfather's middle name and I feel honored to pass it on to my son. Last night we took the "labor skills" class and it was AMAZING!! It was held at the hospital but taught by a doula and was geared toward first time parents who are anticipating a labor and delivery with as little medical intervention as possible. We learned various positions that ease and even hasten delivery, pain coping techniques, relaxation techniques, and we also learned about how to advocate for ourselves and make sure we have the opportunity to have the delivery that we imagined while also being sure our babies are delivered in the safest manner possible. She used the acronym BRAIN to use as a conversation starting point if a medical practitioner wants to perform a procedure that you are not comfortable with. It stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and does this need to happen Now. Drew was really dragging his feet on going initially, but afterwards he was really glad he went and was excited about all of the different things we learned- especially the ways he learned he'd be able to act more as my active advocate and partner, rather than just an observer!

We had another doctor appointment on Tuesday. We met with one of my regular midwives- Wendy. She was the one that I said may be "the one" and I'm even more positive now that is the case. She is just super personable without being overwhelming, she remembered everything about us, she sat and chatted with us forever, and she even hugged me when we left. She got Drew's seal of approval which means A LOT. She also said that Griffin is still looking perfect and that he's head down and ready to go! Good boy! I hope he stays that way! Though it does explain the REALLY powerful kicks to my ribs...

On Saturday, Drew and I decided to take a mini-vacation and stay overnight at the Table Mountain Inn in Golden. I bought the package which included a voucher for dinner at their lodge restaurant in July for Drew's birthday and we saved it until now to be sort if a "last getaway" before Griffin comes. The trip had its high and low points for sure. The hotel was really interesting and rustic and our room was really cozy and had great views. We were right in the heart of downtown Golden so we were able to walk the mainstreet after checking in where we did a bit of shopping, walked around holding hands, and admired the Christmas lights they just put up. When we came back, we decided to go to dinner and the hostess kept trying to sit us in the patio. It was literally on the street with a plastic tent and a heat lamp. I politely told her that we would wait- both because I get cold easily when the breezes come though the tent (and I'm obviously pregnant!!) and honestly, its not the experience I was picturing when I paid for it. I told her (REALLY nicely!) that we don't mind waiting for a different table and she kept wanting to fight us on it- saying "its JUST LIKE sitting inside". Finally, she took our names and told us we could wait in our room and that she would call us in about 10-15 minutes when a table was ready. 45 minutes later, we decided to head back down to see what was going on and she says "oh, are you ready to be seated now?" and glares at us. I told her I thought she said she was going to call...blablabla. She and her co-worker then sat us but not before glaring and making evil comments so I was uncomfortable through the entire meal (which was DELICIOUS so partially made up for it). Then Drew and I went back to our room and watched some tv before going to bed only to be woken up at midnight by their fire alarm! It jolted us both out of dead sleep and we never really recovered from it. So it was a great idea and it had potential, but it wasnt really what we considered "relaxing". Oh, well.

In more productive news, I scheduled appointments to interview a couple of pediatricians in two weeks. They come highly recommended and they are really convenient to home so I hope one of them works out!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will spend the morning cooking and video chatting with Betsy and Guy. We'll head over to my parent's house in the afternoon where we'll eat until we're sick (I CANT WAIT) and hang out. My brother is in town and my cousin's boyfriend, Tito will be joining us. Tito is in the Army and stationed in Colorado Springs so we thought a home cooked meal would be better than staying on base. But mostly I'm excited about those Thanksgiving sides! WOOT!

I am thankful for all of you- my family and friends. We'd be nothing without your support. We love you! Enjoy your holiday!

November Showers bring January Flowers.

I should, as we speak, be busy writing my FINAL PAPER EVER. Just this one last paper and I have officially earned my Masters. Which is why, of course, I am procrastinating by updating my journal.

This has been a spectacularly busy several days. The kind that is dizzying and draining yet mega productive. It started on Thursday morning with my most recent trip to the midwife. She kept repeating how absolutely PERFECT Griffin and I are which made me happy. She also told me that while we definitely want him to "bake" for his full 40 weeks, he's totally viable right now! Mostly he's just fattening up and building his lung capacity. It was heartening yet made me nervous too- he's almost ready!

That afternoon Drew's mom got in from Ohio and we pretty much immediately went and picked out our crib! It was an incredibly generous shower gift from her and it is PERFECT!! We ended up getting a great deal on one we hadn't even considered before- and because it was a floor model we got to take it home with us as opposed to waiting for a special delivery. Drew and Betsy coordinated getting it home and even built it together. I cant get over how gorgeous it is- I love it more each time I see it. I cant wait to see how I fall in love with it once it's holding Griffin!On Friday, Betsy and I had some "girl time" while Drew worked for a few hours. She treated me to a manicure/ pedicure at Tootsies in honor of completing my capstone. My nails still look perfect! Then we picked up Drew and had lunch at WaterCourse- one of my favorite restaurants in all of Denver. Its amazingly good & almost all of their food is local & organic but Drew never lets me go since its vegetarian!

Saturday was The Big Day- our shower! My parents did a wonderful job of hosting. Everything was beautiful and perfect. Lots of our Denver friends came and many of the people that couldn't be there with us still sent amazing gifts. We spent the afternoon chatting, painting onesies, and eating some incredible food (i.e. Betsy's spinach artichoke dip & my mom's quesadillas and stuffed mushrooms). Drew and I (or, maybe I should say Griffin) made out like bandits. We couldn't believe all of the wonderful things we are now able to provide for our son. We are very, very lucky. The highlight of the gift opening was the package from my brother. It was suspiciously duct taped. After several minutes of untaping what we discovered was a Cheese-Its box, we found a bottle of beer labeled "baby juice" and a Motorhead onesie. He always said he didn't want my kid to be a "pussy". Now he's not for sure! He also gave us a separate (and incredibly generous) gift to go with it, but that box was definitely the hit of the party.

Sunday was a day of errands which led to perhaps the most exciting part of the weekend- Once Upon a Child! Betsy suggested consignment shopping and I love a good deal so I was all over that idea. We found this store (which is, apparently, a chain and also exists in Ohio) and I got an armful of adorable, nearly new clothes for $20! VERY exciting! We also stopped at Old Navy where we found a few more cute items and at Babies-R-Us where we bought the play yard/ bassinet combo that we'll keep in our room for Griffin to sleep in during his first few months.

Although we got a TON accomplished (we now feel like we're actually ready for Griffin to come!) it was also REALLY exhausting. I slept like the dead on Sunday night and was still not quite ready for work on Monday morning. Then today was my work shower and potluck!! I work with some INCREDIBLE women and I cant even explain the spread they put out today. I ate until I thought I would pop and each dish was more delicious than the one before it. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the theme of the shower was "Baby Bookworm" so everyone got me a book. They were awesome and ranged from cardboard baby books to larger, beautifully illustrated children's books. It was interesting to see which books meant the most to each person and why. I got several copies of Goodnight, Gorilla so it must be a good one! Jacqui gave me Guess How Much I Love You which makes me cry every time. One of my students gave me Gregory, the Picky Eater based on all of the stories I've told about Drew! And I just read Bad Kitty which was HILARIOUS. I cant wait to read them all.

While I was at work, Drew did some awesome things around the house. He fixed a broken outlet, cleaned out and organized both of the downstairs closets and did some more re-arranging in the basement including getting baskets to separate our dirty laundry. He's nesting! I think its adorable. I told him that I think I'm ready to have his babies.

Tomorrow I was supposed to visit another daycare but I totally forgot that I have class so I'll have to reschedule. I'm bummed because I was really excited about this one. We're one step closer to the weekend though. Thank god- I need a rest!

bigger by the day (aka 32 weeks down)

There are only two months left in this part of our journey. While I know the adventure is just beginning, I'm going to miss my little guy being with me all the time. I was thinking about that on my way home tonight- as he was gently poking me in the side to let me know he was there- this has been such an incredible experience. Something I love and treasure more than I ever thought possible. It is an amazing thing to bond with another human being on such an intimate level before even meeting them. I know there are REALLY tough times to come, but I can say already: motherhood rocks.

It totally makes up for the fact that I've had several REALLY uncomfortable nights. Friday was one of them. Because of back pain (that I ONLY get while sleeping!), shortness of breath (yay for squished up lungs!), and an over anxious mind, I got about 2 hours of sleep before we had to get up to tackle a busy day. It did mean that I watched the documentary Babies at 3 am which was really interesting... but it also meant that I was quite the irritable lady for the rest of the day. And that I was then too exhausted to go to a good friend's party OR to see my cousin in from Ohio that evening. I'm really sad that I missed out on both.

We did manage to get to the Grand Opening of the Exempla Lutheran Family Birth Center on Saturday morning! This is the hospital where Griffin will be born so we were really excited to check it out. The first thing we did was take a tour. While we knew it would be nice (most labor and delivery wards are), I can't even begin to describe how impressed we were. The lobby feels like a lodge with warm woods and stone, a pretty double sided fireplace, and a gourmet coffee shop. The family birth center itself has several comfortable waiting areas for family and friends, a media room, and a spa. But the labor and delivery rooms are what sold me. They are GORGEOUS- beautiful wood trim, picture windows with mountain views, huge bathrooms with stone tile and massive whirlpool tubs, big flat screen tvs with dvd and cd players, comfortable sleeper sofas for the "birth coach" (i.e. Drew), and even wireless internet. The rooms are incredibly high tech, but all of the medical equipment is hidden to make it feel as little like a hospital as possible. I also feel like we could not have picked a better hospital given the type of delivery I want to have- and its only 5 minutes away from home! They have the lowest Cesarean rate in Colorado, they provide a "birth plan" form for you to fill out prior to your arrival where you are able to make the decisions on everything from what pain medication you want to what you'd like the lighting to be. And they cater to women who are looking for as "natural" a childbirth as possible. The fetal monitoring is wireless allowing you to get up and move around- which they actually encourage. They provide a birthing ball in every room as well as massage if you choose to have it, and their approach is very holistic. Their philosophy is that as long as it is a safe labor and the baby is healthy, women should be able to have exactly the experience they want. Following the tour, we took several of the free classes they were offering including how to make your own baby food, raising your baby "green", and introducing the dog to baby. I'm so glad that we went!

I spent literally ALL DAY Sunday preparing my presentation for my capstone defense. It was a grueling day, especially after all the time I had already put into the project as a whole. By 9 pm that night I was drained so when my first run through didn't go well, I may have become a BIT emotional. Drew was incredible though and knew exactly what to say to get me to suck it up and push through it. He even helped put the finishing touches on my presentation. And it was all worth it because I defended yesterday and I ROCKED IT!! I don't think I have ever given a better presentation in my life. I passed with honors. WOOT!! Now just to finish the class I'm currently enrolled in and I'm DONE! I knew getting my Masters would be something I'd appreciate eventually. But I don't think I realized in the beginning how proud I'd feel after pushing through while working full time (the last part of which pregnant!) It is an experience I can't wait to share with Griffin one day. Here is me on the day of the defense (right before we went out to celebrate)!My old boss stopped in today with a gift for Griffin. She made him a medieval-type banner with a gryphon on it! We thought it was very cool & really sweet of her. Our shower is this weekend so there is more to come! Drew's mom comes in on Thursday & we're really excited to see her. Friday we are having a "girls day" while Drew is at work where we will get a mani/ pedi, go shopping & do some cooking. I am SO looking forward to it!

giving Drew a case of the passouts

Friday we had another prenatal visit. All went well. I gained a normal amount of weight and I got to hear Griffin's heartbeat (which although typical is always exciting for me). I met with another midwife and I liked her a lot too. The best part though was when she asked what brought us to Denver & I told her about Drew getting the job with the Sheriff department. She got all excited & asked if Drew had ever delivered a baby. I said no & she asked if I thought he would like to help deliver ours! She said that as long as it is a normal, uncomplicated delivery there are lots of roles he could take on and that she's had lots of law enforcement/ fire/ EMT dads that LOVE doing that. I just found it hilarious given that Drew is WAY more afraid of the delivery than I am and anticipates passing out at least once during the ordeal. I just told her that I'd let him know it was an option, but not to plan on it.

Yesterday was another really busy day for us. We completely cleaned and organized Griffin's room which meant we had to put a lot of things into storage. This led to cleaning and organizing the basement which although necessary, was not a fun job. Especially since I have developed ANOTHER cold (yes, the third since September) and I wasn't feeling too hot anyway.

After finishing that and running a few errands, we drove up to Evergreen for some relax time. We had pizza at Beau Jo's on the river and then we walked around to some of the shops. There is a baby and maternity consignment shop there where I found some awesome clothes including a super cute & versatile black dress for $5 and a really nice blouse for $1! Drew also found Griffin a tiny Bronco's hoodie ($5!) and is incredibly pumped about Griffin's "first Bronco gear". After that we walked up to the lake and enjoyed the gorgeous weather.

On the way back home, Drew bought me a gorgeous glider chair and ottoman for the nursery. I was SO excited. I've been keeping my eye out for rocking chairs on Craig's List, but after months of looking, nothing seemed right and I was starting to become disillusioned. The only bad part was assembly. Although it came for the most part in one piece, we had to attach the arms. Drew does NOT have patience for assembly projects and it ended up with both of us in a bad mood to say the least. Once Drew gave up, I finished building the chair (and hanging the art in Griffin's room) and at that point we both ended up in a great mood for the rest of the night- the room is just SO gorgeous... and right now it's also so full of hope and possibility! I cant spend enough time in there right now!

This is the glider and some of Griffin's bedding.

Here is a "nighttime view" of his dresser & shelf.

We found this cool license plate art at Target & thought it would look awesome in Griffin's room along with the other poster. This way we can show him where all of his family lives all across the country! His crib will go on the same wall right under it.

Here is Drew "practicing".

I've gone into panic mode about daycare. We're on a wait list for the option we like the most (the YMCA). We have tours set up with two other places that sound great but are not taking any newborns until July. I'll try for the DU facility, but they do a lottery and we wouldn't find out if we were in until February, and they also don't admit until July even if we got in. So just in case, we decided to secure a spot at the facility down the street. It is the least impressive, but also the least expensive (and no wait list!). We're still hoping something better comes along, but at least Griffin has SOMEWHERE to go once my maternity leave is up! Drew is upset about the non-refundable deposit, but to me it's totally worth it for the piece of mind!

We carved our pumpkins this morning. Drew carved a gryphon! I also thought mine turned out pretty cute. Scarlett liked them!Unfortunately, after just a few hours on the porch, squirrels ate the eyes out of mine! This after I threw my pumpkin scraps on the lawn for them and those went uneaten. Ungrateful vermin.

the insomniac

30 weeks today! Does that sound insane to anyone else? Griffin is getting HUGE! He definitely hit a growth spurt recently. Every inch of my skin feels tight. And while I've avoided swelling for most of my pregnancy, all of a sudden my feel & ankles are a bit achy and puffy. Good thing I haven't asked too much of Drew up to this point because he may be giving me LOTS of massages in the coming weeks.

I've also avoided stretch marks for the most part, but I feel like they could be around the corner. My sister-in-law had made a few home made bath items (i.e. deodorant, shampoos) and I got to thinking- why couldn't I make my own body butter? I MUCH prefer it to lotion because of the thickness and how long it lasts on the skin- so I thought it would be great to make something with organic ingredients, made specifically for a pregnant me. Among other things, I started with cocoa butter. It has been used by pregnant women for centuries to prevent stretch marks since it melts on the skin immediately and is able to deeply moisturize. It also has antioxidants in it that help to erase existing stretch marks. I also used shea butter which promotes elasticity and, apparently, helps to soothe muscle aches and beeswax which is known for its healing and antibacterial properties. Then to add a personal touch, I used grapefruit and geranium essential oils. Both are safe for pregnant women and both are supposed to improve skin, lighten mood, and balance hormones! I'm not going to lie- its not perfect. The cocoa butter is REALLY hard when its not on the skin so sometimes the body butter is annoying to scoop out. And, apparently, I'm not so much a fan of the cocoa butter/ geranium smell combo. BUT when its on the skin, its incredible- my skin is softer than it has ever been. And I really do think its working on those impending stretch marks already!

The worst of my "pregnancy related ailments" lately though is the insomnia. I've always been a light sleeper, and once I'm up, I'm up... but its been even worse lately. I think its a combination of a racing mind and back pain from having my weight shifted. The night before last I don't think I slept for more than an hour the entire night. I was a zombie at work the next day. Then last night I was so exhausted that I fell asleep easily, but a windstorm work me up in the middle of the night and I spent the next several hours tossing and turning. I actually overslept this morning for this first time in YEARS. So yeah, I'm tired. But everyone keeps telling me it will prepare me for a demanding baby!

In exciting news, I'm so close to graduation now I can taste it! All that I have left is finishing this last class I'm in and the completion of my capstone. The capstone is basically a thesis (complete with a committee and a defense) with a more "practical" rather than theoretical application. I spent more than 15 hours this weekend finishing the writing and editing of the paper and it is DONE! It is an AMAZING feeling, and while I was initially sad to have "lost" a weekend, nothing could compare to the exhilaration of hitting "send" to ship it to my advisor. The next step is my defense which is November 8th. I have to develop a 15-20 minute presentation for it (and then be prepared to get through an hour of questioning). But then I am DONE! I cant wait to get the degree and have that chapter of my life over with... and just in time to start a COMPLETELY different chapter!

We're getting so close now that in just a few weeks we're going to have baby showers! My parents are throwing us our first in mid-November. It is going to be co-ed and "family tree' themed. I am incredibly excited. I will definitely be sad not to have my extended family there. I miss them all so much. And this coming up makes the emptiness where my Aunt Diane was even more tangible. But my mother-in-law is amazing and is actually flying out for it! And it will be wonderful to be surrounded by my Denver support network- some people I have grown to love like a second family. Shortly after, my work friends are throwing me a "Baby Book Worm" shower were they will each give me a baby book for Griffin to start his first collection. I LOVE the idea, especially knowing how much I adored reading and being read to as a child. It is literally perfect for me, and I am so lucky to work with such incredible, thoughtful women.

So things are moving right along and are as they should be. Our next doctor's appointment is this Friday where I will meet with another midwife and begin to discuss my birth plan amidst the regular poking and prodding. Exciting!

getting things accomplished!

What an amazing day for a Thursday! I'm left feeling incredibly positive. We were both REALLY busy, but we managed to get a lot done, in all of our various realms. I hope we can keep up the momentum!

My doctor's appointment wasnt until 9:15 so we decided to sleep in a little bit and then go to our favorite breakfast place. I love the feeling of not being rushed in the morning and I savor it whenever I get the rare opportunity.

Today was my glucose test and I had to drink a bottle of flavored sugar-water prior to the visit which was DISGUSTING. It tasted like melted flavor-ice. Luckily its just a once a pregnancy type thing! Ew. We then went straight to the appointment where I found out that I gained six pounds in the last 3 weeks. SIX POUNDS!! I could not believe it. They actually said that it was probably really normal- that it is likely a combination of Griffin having a fairly typical growth spurt and the fact that I didn't gain as much as they generally like to see in the first two trimesters so it's just my body catching up. As long as it doesnt happen like this constantly from here on out, we're good to go. But WOW! We met with another midwife today and I LOVE her!!! Even Drew liked her which was impressive given that he's not too keen on the midwife idea. She may be "the one". She was very engaged, and very personable. She spent a lot of time with us (as compared with everyone else we've worked with so far) and wanted to talk a lot about how things were going, how we were feeling, and what our plans are. I told her that my hope is for a "natural childbirth" as far as not taking any pain medication and wanting as little intervention as possible during the labor and delivery. I explained that I don't think we'll be able to afford a doula, and while we will attend a childbirth class, I'm a bit nervous about how prepared I will be. She first described their internal childbirth class which sounds AMAZING. Its the same length and price as the one I was considering at the hospital, but it is taught by a midwife from my clinic so it has more of their holistic philosophy. She then told me that as long as I educate myself and know exactly what I want out of my birth experience, that my body and my commitment will make it happen anyway, and that I wouldnt even need a doula. It's SO basic but those simple words of encouragement meant so much to me! She measured me and Griffin is still spot on for his gestational age, and then we got to listen to his heartbeat again which is always magical! On our way out, the receptionist scheduled me for the rest of our appointments until my due date. Even though we're going to start having them bi-weekly followed by weekly, there arent that many left! Kind of scary! We also signed up for their childbirth class while we were there. It's on December 4th- we're official!

After the appointment, I went to work and Drew took care of a lot of things at home. I ran a really important meeting and I'm really proud of how well it went. I also called and got us enrolled in the "Baby Business" class at the hospital. It is where we will get a hospital tour and get pre-registered for delivery, etc. That will be November 18th! Drew fixed the back gate which has been a pain in the ass for YEARS now. He then took Louise to the vet for her appointment and we got really good news! Her blood and liver tests came back looking great so she got her feeding tube removed!! She's left with a pretty big wound on her neck which is still healing so she's confined to our upstairs bathroom while on the mend. She seems a bit tired (as she always does on days she has to go to the vet) but she's been really affectionate and I saw her eat so I'm really hopeful!

The most exciting part of the day was touring the daycare. I wasnt sure about it because it's actually part of the Denver YMCA system and for some reason I had some kind of negative bias about that. But oh. my. god. It is AMAZING!! The facility is gorgeous, clean and modern. The two infant classrooms were really well organized and seemed to have great teachers. Each room (even for the infants!) had their own age-appropriate outdoor spaces, social areas, and learning centers. They also take parent's structure REALLY seriously. So, for example, they will try to accommodate a certain nap time and we can bring in whatever type of diaper or milk Griffin needs. Even though it's way out in the future, they discussed their teaching philosophies with the older kids and I could not get over how impressed I was. Best of all, it is literally 3 minutes from my job AND it's affordable! I am literally IN LOVE and I cant imagine Griffin anywhere else. But now the problem is the fact that they, apparently, fill up quickly (whereas all the other local facilities acted like we were crazy for starting our search now). There is already a wait list to get into the infant classroom. We're number 5, so it's possible! Apparently we wont find out until the month before he's supposed to start! It makes me REALLY nervous as far as planning goes. Fingers crossed!

After the tour, Drew and I went for pizza at the Saucy Noodle (one of the best joints in Denver) and then for ice cream at Bonnie Brae. Nothing like a homemade scoop of peanut butter oreo to finish off the day! I feel like we deserved it! And now to fall into bed!

two down...

So today is actually a really big day in the tiny life of Griffin! We are at 28 weeks- which means he has officially entered his seventh month and third trimester! I really can't believe we're here already. I think he has been having an in-utero celebration over it lately though because he has become INCREDIBLY active. I'm not sure if he ever sleeps anymore! Today at work I was sitting at my desk when he started break dancing for 5 minutes straight- and with enough gusto that my entire stomach was moving around & my shirt was fluttering! It was hilarious and I loved every second of it.

We had an AMAZING fall weekend this weekend. The best part was having brunch with my parents for my mom's birthday at Duo (one of my favorite restaurants EVER) and then spending the day at the Botanic Gardens at Chatfield on Saturday. Groupon was offering Botanic Garden memberships for half off so we jumped at the idea and immediately took advantage of it. Saturday happened to be their annual Pumpkin Fest and we had a blast navigating the enormous cornfield maze, picking out pumpkins off the vine in their huge pumpkin patch, wandering around their historical farm and homestead, and eating funnel cake by the creek. We were even more excited about what a wonderful tradition this will become for Griffin!

Drew was off of work yesterday and surprised me by starting to paint the nursery! It is a GORGEOUS mossy green color that I loved on the paint chip, but I absolutely adore on the walls. It is very soothing yet cheerful. Here is Drew starting the second coat. He wanted me to be sure to mention that he is feigning excitement here since at this point he was exhausted and going on very little sleep. The room is nowhere near done, but at least it is started! I'm in full fledged nesting mode now and I cant WAIT to get it finished.

Thursday will be even busier than before for Drew as he will be taking Louise back into the vet for an evaluation of how she is doing on the feeding tube. They will likely send her back home with it for another week or two, but if her liver is back to functioning like normal, we could get lucky & have it removed! Fingers crossed!

My boss and I discussed my impending maternity leave today. She is having me start a training manual for my temporary replacement. I really think it has been this week where all of a sudden everything is sinking in. I am really having a baby! And he is coming SOON!