Sleep Deprivation (frustration)

I thought I was over the whole insomniac thing. My nighttime back pain seemed to have gone away and I haven't had heartburn in weeks. I'm getting to the size where it's difficult to change positions, but once I get comfortable I'm usually set for the night. Yet here I am at 1:30 am (up since 11) typing away. I can't figure it out- I feel fine & I'm not worried about anything. Maybe I'm just dreading the end of the long weekend so much my body is subconsciously demanding that I continue to enjoy as much of it as possible before the return to work tomorrow (today).

In fun news, we found out that our friends we went to the football game with are expecting! We are thrilled for them- and for us! It will be so nice to have friends going through a similar phase in their lives and since our kids will only be 7 months apart, they will be able to play together! They are also planning on a natural childbirth so it is AWESOME to have someone else out there who doesn't think I'm insane!

I got a new night stand yesterday. I know it doesn't exactly seem worth mentioning, but I am excited because it replaces the GIANT end table that we used to have there & now gives me much more space for the play yard/ bassinet that Griffin will be sleeping in his first few months. I have every intention of nursing him and I hope it works out because I am really excited to just be able to roll over & grab him in the middle of the night when he needs to be fed as opposed to going all the way downstairs in the cold winter night to make him a bottle.

I've been wondering when the little boy will actually show up. His due date is January 5th, but I've been reading that most first babies are late, averaging up to a week past their due dates! All I care about is that he avoids all of the holidays. I really want him to be able to have a day all his own. And I'd love to not have to go back to work following winter break although since that ends January 3, a few days at least seems inevitable. Other than that, I don't think I'd mind him coming a little late... If he does, 1/11/11 seems like a cool day to be born! We'll see what he's got in mind!

Now I'm off to try to get in a little bit of sleep before we're back to the grind!

tree of life

Its been such a great weekend and beginning to the holidays! My boss let us out at noon on Wednesday so I was able to go with my mom to pick my brother up from the airport. This was a short trip for him so it was nice to have some extra time together. On Thanksgiving, I spent the morning cooking and we had a video chat with Betsy and Guy. Betsy got Drew a Kinect for Christmas and communication with family has been one of its biggest perks! We can just sit on our couch and see people on the big screen! That afternoon we went over to my parents house for dinner. The food was AMAZING- one of the best in recent history- and it was fun to hang out with the family (including Tito). Unfortunately, I think I ate WAY too much, especially for being 8 months pregnant and not having much room for anything anymore. It meant that I was incredibly uncomfortable all night and didn't sleep well AT ALL.

That also meant that I was up and at 'em pretty early on Black Friday. Since we live right around the corner from Target we stopped by to check out the sales and we ended up finishing 90% of our Christmas shopping! We found great deals on the same things we were already planning on buying and the crowds weren't even that bad. We met my parents and brother for lunch at Cherry Creek and then had to say goodbye to Brian since his plane left really early this morning. Luckily he'll be back for Christmas! When we got home, we did some internet shopping which means that we are now 100% FINISHED!!!! I am REALLY excited about the fact that I now have the rest of the month to relax and enjoy the holiday season (and our last month EVER as merely a couple!).

Today we got up early and did a lot of cleaning and organizing. This purging process has been ongoing in our "nesting" phase prior to Griffin getting here! We got rid of a ton of clothes that were just taking up room in our closets and we donated 3 garbage bags full to Goodwill! Always a good feeling. Today was GORGEOUS- sunny and nearly 60 degrees- so when we were done with our chores, we decided to drive up to Boulder and spend the day outside. We spent hours walking around and it was draining but also felt really good. While we were there, I found a really sweet book called The Night You Were Born. I haven't bought Griffin much myself yet... in some way I just felt like it was slightly bad luck. But this book made me misty just flipping through it in the store so I felt like it was a sign. Apparently I'm REALLY emotional about it though because I started reading it to Drew in the car on the way home and I literally could NOT get through it without breaking down! I kept laughing at myself between sobs and Drew told me I have to get over it before Griffin is born or else I'm going to freak him out whenever I read it!

When we got home, we decided to do our Christmas decorating! We are going really light this year since Griffin will be coming at the end of the holiday season! We want things to be as easy as possible when putting things away! Because of that, we went with the fake tree. It never feels exactly right when we do that. I always miss the tradition of picking one out, the beauty of the living tree, and the smell of pine. But I added extra lights and garland and once our ornaments were on it, it was absolutely beautiful! I hadn't gotten into the holiday spirit yet, even with all the shopping we did, but now with our house looking so pretty I'm really excited about it!

Once everything was decorated, Drew sat me in front of the tree and turned out the lights so we were just illuminated by the Christmas lights. He surprised me with a graduation present he had custom made while we were in Boulder! This picture doesn't do it justice AT ALL (I took it with my iPod) but it is a tree of life necklace with a tiny "g" charm to represent Griffin! It is literally the most perfect, gorgeous piece of jewelry I've ever owned and the sweetest gift I've ever gotten. I never want to take it off. My husband is so romantic- I'm a lucky girl.

Tomorrow we're going to the Broncos game with some friends. Apparently Drew scored free club level seats! I hope its comfortable, even for a really pregnant lady! Its been so nice being off- Monday is going to be REALLY difficult!

perhaps it will be 6 pounds of stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Here is me at 34 weeks! I cant believe that its possible for me to get even bigger. I feel HUGE! But between now and our due date, I am supposed to gain another 6 pounds! Its getting harder to get dressed, get in and out of the car, and even cook (putting salmon into the broiler was comical). Luckily, it has been easier lately for me to sleep (just as breathing is getting harder). Just 6 more weeks now!

This has been another busy week or so for us! I am wondering if it will continue like this straight up until the day I give birth! I hope not as I am getting REALLY TIRED. But at least school is done so that is one less thing to worry about! My degree will be certified after grades post, but the "conferral date" of my Masters will be the last day of the quarter- November 22. So technically, I have already graduated!

We toured two more daycares over the past week. The first one we were REALLY excited about. The classrooms were beautiful, the staff was really nice and well educated, they hold a "date night" once a month so parents can go out, and everything was really modern and high tech. The problem is that it is 10 minutes completely out of the way for me and their hours are crazy- 7:30 to 5:30. There is no way I'd be able to drop Griffin off and get to work on time- and even if I adjusted my hours to accommodate it, there is then no way I'd be able to pick him up without being late & paying fines every day. So that place, sadly, is out. Then this week we toured another facility which was the exact opposite. It seemed dirty, it smelled bad, they had a HUGE baby to staff ratio (more than I feel is legal...), the entrances were left wide open so anyone could wander in, and a baby was SHRIEKING the entire time we were there. We were just NOT comfortable with it. So its back to the drawing board with fingers crossed on the YMCA & the place down the street as backup. Sigh.

We also took two classes over the past week. Last week was "baby business" where we took a more comprehensive, informational tour of the facility (still adore it, by the way) and then we turn in our initial birth plan, insurance information, registration paperwork and birth certificate form. Speaking of the birth certificate form, Griffin's full name has been decided! He is officially Griffin Carlisle Keefer. Carlisle is a family name that was carried down from my mom's side of the family. It was most recently my grandfather's middle name and I feel honored to pass it on to my son. Last night we took the "labor skills" class and it was AMAZING!! It was held at the hospital but taught by a doula and was geared toward first time parents who are anticipating a labor and delivery with as little medical intervention as possible. We learned various positions that ease and even hasten delivery, pain coping techniques, relaxation techniques, and we also learned about how to advocate for ourselves and make sure we have the opportunity to have the delivery that we imagined while also being sure our babies are delivered in the safest manner possible. She used the acronym BRAIN to use as a conversation starting point if a medical practitioner wants to perform a procedure that you are not comfortable with. It stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and does this need to happen Now. Drew was really dragging his feet on going initially, but afterwards he was really glad he went and was excited about all of the different things we learned- especially the ways he learned he'd be able to act more as my active advocate and partner, rather than just an observer!

We had another doctor appointment on Tuesday. We met with one of my regular midwives- Wendy. She was the one that I said may be "the one" and I'm even more positive now that is the case. She is just super personable without being overwhelming, she remembered everything about us, she sat and chatted with us forever, and she even hugged me when we left. She got Drew's seal of approval which means A LOT. She also said that Griffin is still looking perfect and that he's head down and ready to go! Good boy! I hope he stays that way! Though it does explain the REALLY powerful kicks to my ribs...

On Saturday, Drew and I decided to take a mini-vacation and stay overnight at the Table Mountain Inn in Golden. I bought the package which included a voucher for dinner at their lodge restaurant in July for Drew's birthday and we saved it until now to be sort if a "last getaway" before Griffin comes. The trip had its high and low points for sure. The hotel was really interesting and rustic and our room was really cozy and had great views. We were right in the heart of downtown Golden so we were able to walk the mainstreet after checking in where we did a bit of shopping, walked around holding hands, and admired the Christmas lights they just put up. When we came back, we decided to go to dinner and the hostess kept trying to sit us in the patio. It was literally on the street with a plastic tent and a heat lamp. I politely told her that we would wait- both because I get cold easily when the breezes come though the tent (and I'm obviously pregnant!!) and honestly, its not the experience I was picturing when I paid for it. I told her (REALLY nicely!) that we don't mind waiting for a different table and she kept wanting to fight us on it- saying "its JUST LIKE sitting inside". Finally, she took our names and told us we could wait in our room and that she would call us in about 10-15 minutes when a table was ready. 45 minutes later, we decided to head back down to see what was going on and she says "oh, are you ready to be seated now?" and glares at us. I told her I thought she said she was going to call...blablabla. She and her co-worker then sat us but not before glaring and making evil comments so I was uncomfortable through the entire meal (which was DELICIOUS so partially made up for it). Then Drew and I went back to our room and watched some tv before going to bed only to be woken up at midnight by their fire alarm! It jolted us both out of dead sleep and we never really recovered from it. So it was a great idea and it had potential, but it wasnt really what we considered "relaxing". Oh, well.

In more productive news, I scheduled appointments to interview a couple of pediatricians in two weeks. They come highly recommended and they are really convenient to home so I hope one of them works out!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will spend the morning cooking and video chatting with Betsy and Guy. We'll head over to my parent's house in the afternoon where we'll eat until we're sick (I CANT WAIT) and hang out. My brother is in town and my cousin's boyfriend, Tito will be joining us. Tito is in the Army and stationed in Colorado Springs so we thought a home cooked meal would be better than staying on base. But mostly I'm excited about those Thanksgiving sides! WOOT!

I am thankful for all of you- my family and friends. We'd be nothing without your support. We love you! Enjoy your holiday!

November Showers bring January Flowers.

I should, as we speak, be busy writing my FINAL PAPER EVER. Just this one last paper and I have officially earned my Masters. Which is why, of course, I am procrastinating by updating my journal.

This has been a spectacularly busy several days. The kind that is dizzying and draining yet mega productive. It started on Thursday morning with my most recent trip to the midwife. She kept repeating how absolutely PERFECT Griffin and I are which made me happy. She also told me that while we definitely want him to "bake" for his full 40 weeks, he's totally viable right now! Mostly he's just fattening up and building his lung capacity. It was heartening yet made me nervous too- he's almost ready!

That afternoon Drew's mom got in from Ohio and we pretty much immediately went and picked out our crib! It was an incredibly generous shower gift from her and it is PERFECT!! We ended up getting a great deal on one we hadn't even considered before- and because it was a floor model we got to take it home with us as opposed to waiting for a special delivery. Drew and Betsy coordinated getting it home and even built it together. I cant get over how gorgeous it is- I love it more each time I see it. I cant wait to see how I fall in love with it once it's holding Griffin!On Friday, Betsy and I had some "girl time" while Drew worked for a few hours. She treated me to a manicure/ pedicure at Tootsies in honor of completing my capstone. My nails still look perfect! Then we picked up Drew and had lunch at WaterCourse- one of my favorite restaurants in all of Denver. Its amazingly good & almost all of their food is local & organic but Drew never lets me go since its vegetarian!

Saturday was The Big Day- our shower! My parents did a wonderful job of hosting. Everything was beautiful and perfect. Lots of our Denver friends came and many of the people that couldn't be there with us still sent amazing gifts. We spent the afternoon chatting, painting onesies, and eating some incredible food (i.e. Betsy's spinach artichoke dip & my mom's quesadillas and stuffed mushrooms). Drew and I (or, maybe I should say Griffin) made out like bandits. We couldn't believe all of the wonderful things we are now able to provide for our son. We are very, very lucky. The highlight of the gift opening was the package from my brother. It was suspiciously duct taped. After several minutes of untaping what we discovered was a Cheese-Its box, we found a bottle of beer labeled "baby juice" and a Motorhead onesie. He always said he didn't want my kid to be a "pussy". Now he's not for sure! He also gave us a separate (and incredibly generous) gift to go with it, but that box was definitely the hit of the party.

Sunday was a day of errands which led to perhaps the most exciting part of the weekend- Once Upon a Child! Betsy suggested consignment shopping and I love a good deal so I was all over that idea. We found this store (which is, apparently, a chain and also exists in Ohio) and I got an armful of adorable, nearly new clothes for $20! VERY exciting! We also stopped at Old Navy where we found a few more cute items and at Babies-R-Us where we bought the play yard/ bassinet combo that we'll keep in our room for Griffin to sleep in during his first few months.

Although we got a TON accomplished (we now feel like we're actually ready for Griffin to come!) it was also REALLY exhausting. I slept like the dead on Sunday night and was still not quite ready for work on Monday morning. Then today was my work shower and potluck!! I work with some INCREDIBLE women and I cant even explain the spread they put out today. I ate until I thought I would pop and each dish was more delicious than the one before it. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the theme of the shower was "Baby Bookworm" so everyone got me a book. They were awesome and ranged from cardboard baby books to larger, beautifully illustrated children's books. It was interesting to see which books meant the most to each person and why. I got several copies of Goodnight, Gorilla so it must be a good one! Jacqui gave me Guess How Much I Love You which makes me cry every time. One of my students gave me Gregory, the Picky Eater based on all of the stories I've told about Drew! And I just read Bad Kitty which was HILARIOUS. I cant wait to read them all.

While I was at work, Drew did some awesome things around the house. He fixed a broken outlet, cleaned out and organized both of the downstairs closets and did some more re-arranging in the basement including getting baskets to separate our dirty laundry. He's nesting! I think its adorable. I told him that I think I'm ready to have his babies.

Tomorrow I was supposed to visit another daycare but I totally forgot that I have class so I'll have to reschedule. I'm bummed because I was really excited about this one. We're one step closer to the weekend though. Thank god- I need a rest!

bigger by the day (aka 32 weeks down)

There are only two months left in this part of our journey. While I know the adventure is just beginning, I'm going to miss my little guy being with me all the time. I was thinking about that on my way home tonight- as he was gently poking me in the side to let me know he was there- this has been such an incredible experience. Something I love and treasure more than I ever thought possible. It is an amazing thing to bond with another human being on such an intimate level before even meeting them. I know there are REALLY tough times to come, but I can say already: motherhood rocks.

It totally makes up for the fact that I've had several REALLY uncomfortable nights. Friday was one of them. Because of back pain (that I ONLY get while sleeping!), shortness of breath (yay for squished up lungs!), and an over anxious mind, I got about 2 hours of sleep before we had to get up to tackle a busy day. It did mean that I watched the documentary Babies at 3 am which was really interesting... but it also meant that I was quite the irritable lady for the rest of the day. And that I was then too exhausted to go to a good friend's party OR to see my cousin in from Ohio that evening. I'm really sad that I missed out on both.

We did manage to get to the Grand Opening of the Exempla Lutheran Family Birth Center on Saturday morning! This is the hospital where Griffin will be born so we were really excited to check it out. The first thing we did was take a tour. While we knew it would be nice (most labor and delivery wards are), I can't even begin to describe how impressed we were. The lobby feels like a lodge with warm woods and stone, a pretty double sided fireplace, and a gourmet coffee shop. The family birth center itself has several comfortable waiting areas for family and friends, a media room, and a spa. But the labor and delivery rooms are what sold me. They are GORGEOUS- beautiful wood trim, picture windows with mountain views, huge bathrooms with stone tile and massive whirlpool tubs, big flat screen tvs with dvd and cd players, comfortable sleeper sofas for the "birth coach" (i.e. Drew), and even wireless internet. The rooms are incredibly high tech, but all of the medical equipment is hidden to make it feel as little like a hospital as possible. I also feel like we could not have picked a better hospital given the type of delivery I want to have- and its only 5 minutes away from home! They have the lowest Cesarean rate in Colorado, they provide a "birth plan" form for you to fill out prior to your arrival where you are able to make the decisions on everything from what pain medication you want to what you'd like the lighting to be. And they cater to women who are looking for as "natural" a childbirth as possible. The fetal monitoring is wireless allowing you to get up and move around- which they actually encourage. They provide a birthing ball in every room as well as massage if you choose to have it, and their approach is very holistic. Their philosophy is that as long as it is a safe labor and the baby is healthy, women should be able to have exactly the experience they want. Following the tour, we took several of the free classes they were offering including how to make your own baby food, raising your baby "green", and introducing the dog to baby. I'm so glad that we went!

I spent literally ALL DAY Sunday preparing my presentation for my capstone defense. It was a grueling day, especially after all the time I had already put into the project as a whole. By 9 pm that night I was drained so when my first run through didn't go well, I may have become a BIT emotional. Drew was incredible though and knew exactly what to say to get me to suck it up and push through it. He even helped put the finishing touches on my presentation. And it was all worth it because I defended yesterday and I ROCKED IT!! I don't think I have ever given a better presentation in my life. I passed with honors. WOOT!! Now just to finish the class I'm currently enrolled in and I'm DONE! I knew getting my Masters would be something I'd appreciate eventually. But I don't think I realized in the beginning how proud I'd feel after pushing through while working full time (the last part of which pregnant!) It is an experience I can't wait to share with Griffin one day. Here is me on the day of the defense (right before we went out to celebrate)!My old boss stopped in today with a gift for Griffin. She made him a medieval-type banner with a gryphon on it! We thought it was very cool & really sweet of her. Our shower is this weekend so there is more to come! Drew's mom comes in on Thursday & we're really excited to see her. Friday we are having a "girls day" while Drew is at work where we will get a mani/ pedi, go shopping & do some cooking. I am SO looking forward to it!