Oh, and...

On top of Griffin having to spend Christmas in the hospital, Drew and I both came down with pretty nasty colds of our own around the same time. And while having Griffin home was DEFINITELY much preferred, parenting a toddler on 24 hour oxygen is NOT easy. So by the time Thursday evening had rolled around, I had almost forgotten about having Drew take our 26 week picture. It wasn't until Evvie kicked me repetitively to remind me she was there that I remembered. So if I look tired in this picture, it's because I AM. (and I told Evvie that she always needs to stay healthy no matter what!)

Merry and Bright

Christmas is my favorite time of the year by far. There is so much about the tradition, beauty and joy that mean more to me than simply exchanging gifts. I spend weeks in anticipation of that special day every year- decorating, planning, cooking, crafting- and this year was like any other. As of Christmas Eve, I had my gifts wrapped, dinner planned, and cookies in the oven. Griffin had been sick with what seemed like a cold for a few days, but I was hoping by that evening he'd be well enough to happily open his Christmas Eve gift. Only, when I went in to check on him, he was so lethargic. Totally not like Griffin. And then I noticed that he was breathing a bit heavy. And he was hot. Like really, really hot. I didn't want to be one of those parents that overreacts and rushes their kids to the ER at the drop of a hat, so I gave him some Advil and waited to see if he got better, but instead he slept and slept and slept. I freaked out. Of course his regular doctor's office was closed, so I called the  Urgent Care nurse's line. Between the shortness of breath and the fever (105.5) they advised us to bring him right in.

Unfortunately, bringing your kid into the Urgent Care does not equate to being immediately seen, and we waited for a doctor for HOURS. By the time someone got to him, we were all completely miserable. The staff there (doctor especially) was awful and only contributed to our stress. They xrayed him and found it wasn't pneumonia, but couldn't say what else it could be- only calling it a general lung infection. The only answer they could give for sure? He had to be hospitalized. And according to them, it would be 3-5 days.

I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. Missing Christmas would be bad enough, but my poor boy kept asking for his coat and shoes, kept moaning to go, and kept crying for his dog. I couldn't bear the fact that there was nothing I could do to ease his pain, or give him what he wanted most. I knew that we would do what was necessary to keep him well, but all he wanted was the comfort of home and it was CHRISTMAS, for godssake. To make matters worse, it had started to snow pretty heavily while we were in the Urgent Care. Pretty ironic given that I had been praying for a white Christmas for WEEKS and now here it was- yet instead of being in our warm & twinkly house, I'd be driving treacherous side streets the 20 miles between Golden and St. Joe's. But we all needed clothes and toothbrushes and movies to last us the several days we were supposed to be holed up... and more than anything, we had to make sure that Griffin still got Christmas. So while the ambulance sped my boys to the hospital, I raced home to take care of the other important things. It was 10 at night before I started back to the hospital and the roads were horrible. I slid twice just getting out of our neighborhood, so I was terrified of what was ahead. But all that kept playing in my head was Griffin's sweet face and the lyrics to this song:

By the time I got there, Griffin had been read Twas the Night Before Christmas and was fast asleep, hooked up to oxygen. The wonderful hospital staff had heard I was pregnant, so instead of letting me sleep on the stiff fold-out couch, they wheeled in a soft, comfy bed. Drew and I ate our late Christmas Eve dinner- which was now Campbell's soup out of plastic bowls and saltines, and then collapsed into bed. None of us got much sleep since the hospital staff had to poke and prod at Griffin all night, but as soon as he woke up to daylight, we got to show him that Santa came- even his stocking was there- and the smile on his face lit up the entire room.

But the real gift came later that afternoon after he had been seen by the pediatrician and respiratory therapists. At that point his fever had completely broken, and while he still needed to be on oxygen, they were sending us home with a tank. HOME! On CHRISTMAS! And no one was happier than Griffin.

I can't say that the rest of the day was very "Christmas-y". It was nearly 3 by the time we got home and his extra tanks were delivered. We obviously weren't able to have our regular celebration with my parents. But we were warm and together, and oh, man- isn't that magic in of itself? It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

A couple of days later, once Griff was a bit better, my parents and brother actually brought Christmas to us. And I'm not kidding when I say ALL OF IT. They brought their entire Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, including whole pies and huge bags of cookies. They brought gifts from themselves as well as all the things the rest of my family had sent. By the time they were done unloading, my entire living room was full. And more than anything, they were there- and happy- and in the holiday spirit.

So I cried again- for feeling SO overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. For being relieved. For loving so very much. And for feeling like it really was Christmas.

The days since then have kind of flown by. Griffin has been getting better and better every day. In fact, tonight he took the last of his antibiotic, and while he's been off of the oxygen during the say since Friday, tonight should be his last evening with it as well. And he has been HAPPY. He loves his presents, sure. But what does he love more? Being home all day with both Drew and I (not so common an occurrence) and getting to run around like his old crazy self.

So while this holiday was NOT what we planned- it was at times sad, stressful and scary- it was also amazing. Sometimes you have to go through these things to be reminded of what really matters. It wasn't the candy I spent an hour making that no one ended up eating. It wasn't the presents, or even the actual "day". It was my tiny family and hope and love... it was finding my own strength when I didn't think I had any left. And it was pushing forward. Those are the things I hope to carry with me into this new year we're teetering on the edge of.

So yes, our Christmas truly was Merry and Bright.

keeping him close

I went to work on Friday super excited. It was Winter Graduation which means we had the really easy job of attending commencement and then we got to take a half day off of work. I love commencement- it's so fun seeing all of the students in their regalia, beaming with the pride of their accomplishment and the excitement of what is to come. And, of course, I had been looking forward to my half day of freedom for weeks, mulling over whether I would see friends, or go shopping, or just luxuriate in a quiet home.

Part of my job is to control social media for our office, so I happened to be "live tweeting" from commencement. It was during my second update when I opened my browser and read about the shooting in Connecticut. I flashed the headline to my coworker and we both immediately teared up. But the ceremony was a long way from over and we decided to just hope that the initial reports were wrong. Once we got back to the office, we realized that the reports WERE wrong. It was actually way worse than we had initially thought. I was overcome with grief, as I am sure you were, as everyone around the country was. I cried at my desk for the babies that were murdered in a place they should have felt safe. For the innocent educators who died protecting them. I couldn't help thinking about Griffin and what I would do if I ever lost him, and those poor parents that now had to face their worst nightmares. I thought about our new graduates and the achievements those 20 children had stolen from them. My heart broke over and over again.

I thank god we got to have a half day. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything else anyway. Instead of doing something fun or exciting though, I sat on the couch and watched media coverage. It was awful, really- the same small set of facts reiterated over and over again with faces of distraught community members plastered over the screen. I was reminded of September 11th in the way that I was glued to the news. Waiting for an answer, a reason. Waiting to hear that maybe it wasn't really true, but finding myself in tears instead. After a few hours, Obama addressed the country in a way we rarely see him. Graceful, but overcome. Not offering us stories of hope this time, but instead allowing us to grieve. If you haven't seen it yet, I would encourage you to, as gut wrenching as it was:

It was after his speech that I decided what I needed, what we all need, was the space to mourn and then to carry on. To do the things that matter. So I got off the couch and picked Griffin up from school early. I needed to hug him and watch him play with the complete joy that being two and unaware allows you. When Drew got home, we decided that was the night we'd take him to see Santa. He'd been asking for Santa for WEEKS and if ever there was a time we wanted to do the things that make Griffin happy, it was then.

Griff was SO EXCITED the whole way through the mall on the way to Santa. In line, he waited patiently and pointed out the elves, snowmen, trains, and reindeer. When we were next in line he kept screaming "Deeta! Deeta!" with a HUGE smile on his face. Aaaaaand then, this happened:

It. Was. HILARIOUS. Apparently, Griffin LOOOOVES Santa, unless it involves sitting on his lap. Then he becomes creepy. I can get behind that. In fact, there is a very similar picture of me reacting in the same way that my parents put out every year. Luckily, there was no remaining trauma. As soon as we removed him, he was totally fine, even waving & yelling "bye, Deeta!". After that, we took him on some rides and let him guide us around to some stores. He was all smiles- that was all we wanted.

Yesterday we had an awesome day in. Griff got a few more hugs and kisses than usual and in return he was AMAZINGLY well behaved, including eating an awesome dinner and going right to sleep at bedtime. I know he doesn't understand what happened on Friday, but I think he could sense that we needed to hold each other a little closer and be a little nicer. We needed to make sure everyone knew they are loved.

new meaning & 24 weeks!

Now that Griffin is old enough to get excited about new toys and really wants to play, Christmas has an entirely new meaning. Last year was fun since it was his first, but he wasn't very into it. This year has already been a BLAST. We got to witness our first gift excitement when Grammy was in town last weekend. Then tonight, some packages came in the mail from Papa and Great-Papa! Normally I'd save them so he has an even more magical Christmas day, but since this whole concept is new to him, we thought we'd spread things out a bit more so he can actually enjoy each present without getting overwhelmed. Well, Griffin thought he died and went to heaven tonight with a dragon, a garbage truck, and his own farm!!

loading trash cans into the truck. Why does EVERY boy love garbage trucks?

his garbage truck driver serves double duty as a farmer

I didn't get a pic of him with the dragon, but I wish everyone could have seen his face when it started walking toward him and roared. Pure magic! Hopefully it made up for any non-pajama angst from school today!

And today I am officially 6 months pregnant! I am starting to feel enormous and I know that this is NOTHING compared to how I'll feel in 12 weeks or so.

mama sized

After that picture was taken, I sat on the couch and Griffin ran over for some snuggles. I LOVE when he gets in moods like that. Drew just happened to capture:

and sitting like this, Griffin felt Evvie kick for the first time!! SO sweet!

We also got awesome news today that Drew's cousin, Angela is moving to Denver at the end of the month!! It will be so wonderful for all of us to have more family in town. We hope to have her over for dinner as soon as she arrives!

Mama Guilt

While Griffin has been SUPER challenging lately, he also has his moments where he's my perfect little boy and I remember why it's all worth it. He may have had a brief freak out over television shows this morning, but then he calmed down and was amazing the rest of the time, including lots of snuggling, letting me change his diaper without a fight, and helping to get himself dressed. Every morning he brings a toy with him in the car and today he sweetly put it down as we were leaving instead of demanding to take it into school like many days. So when we get to his room, I see that the teachers and other kids are wearing pajamas and the kids even got to bring in their favorite stuffed animal from home (which they are usually NOT allowed to do). When I mentioned to the school director (who happened to be in his room) that I didn't know it was jammie day she said "oh, it's fine- I'm sure Griffin wont notice". But in the meantime, I saw him look at his BFF and then look down at his own clothes. Maybe he just thought it was weird & he didn't actually care at all, but I don't want him to already feel like the odd kid out! ESPECIALLY when he had been SO GOOD this morning- that's how I reward him? And I KNOW he would have LOVED to have had Mr. Frog with him. So... why DIDN'T I know it was jammie day? Griff is with Drew on Wednesdays and that is probably when they told most people, but it seems like we should hear about those things in advance! I know it is totally no big deal, and Griffin probably doesn't care, but I just feel so sad for him and so guilty for not helping him participate. I've always been a guilty person, taking responsibility for things I shouldn't, but Mama Guilt is even worse.

Big Boy

Griff asked to sit with us at dinner tonight, and he did SO WELL! (and, he looked ADORABLE on the big chair). Looks like it might be time to put the high chair in storage for Evvie. So proud!

Celebrations

This weekend we had Grammy B all the way from Ohio! We were all thrilled about the visit since it had been a long time & we had lots of catching up to do! It had to be a short trip, but we packed a LOT in. On Friday night, we did an early Christmas gift exchange between the adults. It was very low key and sweet, with lots of laughing and conversation peppered in. I feel like I was TOTALLY spoiled and I got some really awesome gifts. I LOVE being surprised on Christmas and I feel like Betsy does that so well!

one of my favorites!

On Saturday, Betsy took us out to pick out Evvie's crib! SO exciting! Between that and my very first baby girl gifts (also care of Betsy & her friend, Lois) things are DEFINITELY starting to feel real. We're having a BABY, people!!

After that, Griffin got HIS Christmas gifts from Grammy (who he has taken to calling mi-ma, btw). I don't know if I have ever seen that kid so jazzed.

with his new Sponge Bob pillow, now his BFF

helping Grammy open his Big Prize

A SANDBOX!!! Spring will be SO. FUN.

drawing on his Spongebob tablet. he caught on to this SUPER fast.

trying to check out his new LIGHT UP AVENGERS SHOES while on-foot

Unfortunately, that was pretty much the last time Griffin was cheerful that weekend. I don't know if he was sick the whole time (he ended up coming down with a mild stomach bug on Sunday) or if it was just typical Terrible Two crabbiness, but he STRESSED. ME. OUT.

Saturday night also happened to be the first night of Hanukkah, so like last year, I made a savory kugel and we lit the menorah. I was glad that we got to have a few nice, quiet dinners at home while she was here. I LOVE having someone to cook for other than my picky boys.

Because Griffin ended up getting sick on Sunday, we stayed in and kept it low-key. We mostly watched movies and chatted while I finished packing Christmas gifts to mail this week. At one point though, this happened:

Griffin: go!
me: go?
Griffin: goooooo!
me: go where?
Griffin: Depot.
me: uhhh...
Drew: did he just ask to go to Home Depot?
Griffin: yeah!
Betsy: really?!?
Griffin: (getting increasingly whiny and intense) Depot! Cart! Depot!
me: wow, he is being weirdly clear about that.
Griffin: Hoooooome.
Drew: you ARE home, buddy.
Griffin: Depot!

So, yeah- Drew and Betsy took my weirdo kid to Home Depot as though it was the zoo or Disney Land. Apparently he had a GRAND time. I guess that was the upside of his day and it got them all out of the house!

boy time

This is a crazy week. I have stuff going on every night for work so I'm not getting home until after 7. It's all good stuff, but it makes me feel like I'm not able to get anything done at home!

At least I had Tuesday! Griff and I had a mommy-boy day on Tuesday. We laid around in our jammies and read books, watched movies, and ate pancakes. It was an AWESOME day since we never really get to have alone time like that, and he was such a sweetheart the entire time. And it DID get me out of an evening where I would have otherwise been there until 7 again. Though at one point, we went to the store and this happened:

he kept trying to hug the floor. Miiiiiinor Brave obsession.

Last night was my office holiday party. Drew and Griff got to meet everyone I work with and had an awesome time hanging out & eating lots of good food. My big boss (the Dean of Students) was there with his son who is Griffin's buddy from school, so the boys were THRILLED!

getting the office set up for the party. I think our reception area is SO cozy!

Griff running around like a madman with one of our office ball chairs.  And it WAS an ugly Christmas sweater party, so he is dressed crazy on purpose.

The only annoying thing was that it was almost 75 degrees yesterday! We literally had to keep the office windows open in order to have the fireplace going. I was all for nice weather for awhile, but now I'm just irritated. I need a cold snap & some snow so I can really get into the holiday spirit!! Luckily, I think we're supposed to get some cooler weather late this weekend. Fingers crossed!!

The Little Girl has been kicking up a storm! She must know we've been talking about her a lot. I'm starting to have regular meetings with my boss regarding my maternity leave (and how I will coordinate my projects while I'm gone) and I met with HR yesterday about getting the paperwork squared away for my actual time off! I'm trying to decide how long I will take. This is the first time I've ever felt like I've had such exciting things going on at work that I'd WANT to get back quickly, but at the same time I know I'm going to need LOTS of recovery & bonding time! Decisions!

Also, see the poll on the right hand side of the screen!! I need help trying to figure out how to spell Evelyn's nickname. It will be pronounced Eh-vee (not Ee-vee), so for that reason, I dont think Evie is right. Those are my other two spelling options! Thanks for the help!

O, Tannenbaum

Our halls are decked! We got the last of the Christmas decorations up tonight, and we are in the spirit!!

Yesterday we went to get our Christmas tree, which felt kind of ridiculous since it was in the mid-60s. Not your typical December weather, but we enjoyed it nonetheless! We stopped first to pick up Griffin's ornament which turned out ADORABLY.

Then we picked out the best tree we could find! Griffin had an awesome time at the lot and even fell in love with the Christmas Kitty. Kitty seemed to enjoy Griffin too.

enthralled with the sheer number of trees! 

Christmas Kitty 

BFFs

We let the tree sit overnight so that it could hydrate & the branches could fall. Then tonight I made hot spiced apple cider, turned on my Christmas mix on Pandora and we decorated!

this is after Griff danced his heart out to some holiday jams

he absolutely ADORED hanging the ornaments. he just hated needing help!

Cutest. Ever.

Griffin did amazingly well until Drew hung up his Hulk and Spiderman ornaments, which Griff wanted to play with VERY BADLY so there was a minor breakdown at that point. I secretly moved those ornaments to the back of the tree so that we can avoid similar temptation in the future.

After decorating, it was bedtime for my Little Elf which means he got to move to another day on the advent calendar Grammy got him!

he LOVES having a Santa in his room!!

So here is some finished product!

this is just a silly garland I made, but I weirdly love it

lovely living room

holiday beauty

Gilded Star Ranch in all her twinkly splendor. All we need is snow!

I see the Pretty Lights...

Tonight was Golden's annual Candlelight Walk and Holiday Lighting. We had an AMAZING time. Griffin was 100% TOTALLY into it this year and was screaming for Santa from the second we got there (or in Griffinese, "Deeta"). The weather was perfect so we could actually enjoy ourselves instead of concentrating on the cold. Griffin loved being part of the crowd, checking out all the lights, and seeing the carolers. I love the fact that he gets to grow up with this tradition!

at dinner before the walk. He had stripped out of his sweater & shoes and was SUPER pumped that daddy gave him a sip of his coke.

holding a candle 

on the way downtown 

his & hers

my boys 

right after they lowered the wreath & Santa did the countdown to light the trees 

trying to look tough on the patio

holiday splendor

enjoying the sparkle 

mama & her sweet boy

Santa over Golden!