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All the same us, with a different feel.

School's Out for Summer...

I have an end of the year report due tomorrow.
I have a presentation on Thursday that I still need to put together.
I have to write my performance evaluation by the end of the week.
I have to schedule all 45 sections of my class on Friday.
I have to write someone else's evaluation by next Tuesday.
In between are all the other random daily tasks we all have to get done.
For it being summer session, I'm weirdly busy. And it is for PRECISELY that reason that I am procrastinating like crazy. It's nice outside, the flowers are blooming, and I have spring fever.

So here are some of the things that have been going on lately:

• Evvie has Hand Foot & Mouth Disease. AGAIN. There are lots of strains, so you can get it over and over. And then apparently, on top of that, she had the stomach flu the past few days. Poor poor baby. But ENOUGH. Seriously, daycare germs. We're DONE for the summer, kay? Thanks.
•  Bonus of the above: I got to find out that the quilt my mom made is washable! I had to remove kid puke and was so worried it would fall apart. Instead, it just got really soft! So, yay!
• following treating TWO kids with splinters, Drew has decided to seal and repair the deck and patio. It's turned out to be a large-ish undertaking, but it's looking good so far!
• we're having family pictures taken this weekend. the first professional shots since Evvie has been born! Hoping the kids cooperate...
• Drew has finally worn me down and convinced me to get rid of our bar (because Evvie is CONSTANTLY trying to smash wine glasses) and our china cabinet (because it is just too big for the space). I am very sad about both. He DID find me acceptable replacements, the downside is that I now have TWO china cabinets in my living room until someone freaking buys our old one on CraigsList
• CraigsList, as it turns out, is a blessing and a curse.
• My grandma was in town last week, so I got to take the kids over to see her. For her age and all she has gone through, she looks AMAZING and acts so young. I hope I grow old as gracefully. I'm glad I got to spend some time with her, and that the kids got to see her again. At this stage in life, you never know how many more of those visits you get to have.
• Evvie has started visiting in the toddler room! She'll be moving up by the end of the spring. I cant believe it. I really cant.

And, of course, other things too. But I suppose now it's time to start crossing off some to-dos!

Birthday

Griffin isn't the best at expressing himself when he's angry. When he doesn't completely melt down, he generally either refuses to have a conversation, or he yells something completely random. I remember when he was really little and he screamed "eat lunch, mommy!" and it wasn't lunchtime. He just wanted to tell me my business. Later on he'd say things like "throw you in the trashcan". Lately his go-to, however, has been "you cant come to my birthday". Can you imagine anything meaner?

Last weekend, several ladybugs had, apparently, done something to offend him. I caught him squatting in the garden yelling "go away, ladybugs! You cant come to my birthday." Then this morning when he was in trouble for refusing to do ANYTHING I asked of him, he told me I was no longer invited to his birthday either. I blame Drew. This is totally his arguing tactic as well.

Little does Griffin know that *I* am in charge of his birthday. So maybe HE is the one that isn't coming.

the glory that was Mothers Day

Yesterday morning I slept in. And then when I woke up, I got myself a cup of coffee and snuggled back in bed with a book. Once I got bored (and sufficiently hungry) I went to find my family. Oh, what a beautiful morning!

Time alone was definitely one of my biggest gifts yesterday. I love my family more than anything in the entire world, but it is SO RARE that I ever get time to myself, or time to accomplish what I want to. Drew (and the kids) gave me lots of time yesterday and I haven't felt so relaxed in a long, long time.

I also got lots of other good stuff! They took me out to breakfast at one of my favorite places. I got a Belgian waffle toppled with strawberries, whipped cream & maple syrup- perfect Mother's Day decadence. Griffin was... not the best behaved at first. But Drew had a little chat with him outside and he was much nicer afterwards.

after chat

Griff and Evvie both made me awesome gifts:

I know every mom gets this one, but I had tears none the less

Griff made the frame!

And then they all "chipped in" to get me this GORGEOUS bird bath. It matches the house perfectly & I've had my eye on it for awhile.

But my BIGGEST gift was from Evvie- she decided to walk!! It's just a few steps here and there, but she's gaining confidence! She'll be running around with her brother in no time.

The weather was actually awful yesterday- cold and SNOWY. IN MAY. WTF. So we didn't do much- which actually turned out to be a blessing. We did a lot of relaxing which, as it turns out, is what I REALLY needed.

So it was an amazing day, with my awesome family. And now I'm looking out my office window at this:

Insanity. Especially since it was in the 80s last week!  I hear that this is our last freeze danger of the season & it's "really spring" after this. We'll see!

Action Packed

We had a busy but SUPER fun weekend! On Friday night, my friend/ colleague, Jenn and I took our incoming and outgoing Lead Peer Mentors out to dinner. It was awesome! We handed out gifts and funny awards to our graduating seniors and celebrated a job well done. The Parmesan truffle fries definitely helped the experience.

I love these people!

After dinner, I ran home to put the kids to bed and then I changed into pajamas and went BACK to work for Moonlight Breakfast. Every semester faculty and staff come to serve late night pancakes to students who are up studying for finals. It was SO. FUN. The students loved it (as they do every semester) and my coworkers and I spent the night laughing our asses off. It was great- even if I WAS in charge of the gross scrambled eggs. It was also my last evening work responsibility of the year! Even better!

On Saturday, we got some yard stuff accomplished. We started out by going to Echter's- the most amazing gardening store EVER. The kids had a blast running around and chatting with their resident goose:

I got a pretty new flowering shrub for the front, and Drew installed a new gate in the way back part of the yard!

honeysuckle!

This gate will allow me to access the upper tier of the back yard where I will be planting my veggie gardens this summer. So excited!

Griffin also had a grand time planning a birthday video for his cousin, William, (including alerting him to his newly scraped knee- VERY important). Griffin is VERY much looking forward to seeing his big cousin in a few months.

That evening Drew took the kids (AGAIN. Good man.) so that I could go out for dinner for my friend's birthday. We went to an awesome place near my old hood, so it was fun to see how much it has changed! And I had the most INCREDIBLE meal- Roasted Squash Milanesa. I HAVE to figure out how to make it. I could literally eat it every day. Ohhhh, dreaming of it...

Then yesterday we took the kids to the zoo, which they LOVED! We went super early so we were home by 2 which allowed us to get stuff done, relax, and play outside before dinner time!

Such a great weekend! Something we REALLY needed. Already looking forward to the next one!

(Z)en

It is officially May which means that technically, my blogging challenge is over! I got a day behind, but this is my last A-Z post. I fully intend to keep writing though! Maybe not *as* often, but close! The process has actually been really positive for me. Writing allows me to think about things on a deeper level than I normally would. In many ways it let me put certain things to rest, and relax. I am a calmer, more positive person because of it! I also enjoyed the added challenge of coming up with topics outside of just what happened that day, so I think I'll look for similar methods of looking for topics in the future!

(Y)ellow

Coldplay is one of me and Drew's favorite bands. We own every CD (yes, we still have CDs!), we sing along to every song that comes on the radio, our first dance at our wedding was even to a Coldplay song.

The first I ever heard of the band was hearing Yellow on the radio back in 2000. It was different, haunting, stunningly beautiful, and heartbreakingly romantic. I heard that song and imagined what my life would be like with my soulmate.

At the time, I was single. It would still be nearly 3 years before I would meet Drew.

Fourteen years after hearing the song for the first time, I still feel the same feelings that I did then. It moves me, it inspires me. Only now I hear it and think of Drew.

Today is our nine year wedding anniversary. So much about our lives is different than when we met. So much is better, bigger, filled with love and light, and meaning. So much is yellow.

Drew isn't perfect and neither am I. But together, we are exactly what we are meant to be. I am so proud of the man, husband and father he has become. I am proud of the woman, wife, and mother he has supported me in evolving into. So it's true- look at those stars. Look how they shine.

e(X)tremes

Of course mere days after writing the post about living with our three year old, Griffin changed course. Drew and I should be used to that by now. Children are amazing, but fickle creatures.

Luckily, he's gone back to being INCREDIBLE. I'm not kidding. The past 4-5 days, he has just been so. unbelievably. good. There are FAR fewer tantrums, he is protectively sharing with his sister, he is cooperating and helping around the house. He hasn't even had any potty accidents in nearly a week (knock on wood here)! I'm beyond proud.

The past few days have allowed me to see what a big kid he's really becoming. In so many ways I'm very relieved. And, of course, in other ways I'm a bit sad. I can see why younger siblings get babied- it's hard to let go!

In related news, he is moving up! As of next Monday, Griffin will officially be in pre-school. Such a big milestone for him (and a bit less expensive for us)! We're very excited!

(W)edding

This weekend was incredibly busy, which is why this post is a bit late! On Saturday, we got to attend the wedding of my good friend, Stacey. It kicked off wedding season for us as we have three to attend in the next few months!

I love weddings. Each one is so unique and a true reflection of the couple's personality. It is always interesting to see the creative touches or think about what I would have done differently! Stacey and Ben's was no exception. They had an evening wedding and reception in an artsy and eclectic organic restaurant in downtown Denver. Their decorations were vibrant, playful and a rainbow of colors. And their ceremony was beautiful, heartfelt, and utterly unique. I adored it. I also got to get all dressed up- something a never get to do! HUGE bonus.

pic of me taken by Griff. not so good.

pic of me taken by Drew. not much better.

I also got to see lots of old friends from my job at DU which was awesome! We got to catch up, eat, drink & dance. So much fun.

dark selfie

me & the beautiful bride

some of my favorite girls

I'm looking forward to the next two!

(V)egetarian

When I was in high school, my dad took us to the book store and let us pick out anything we wanted. I remember scanning the shelves, picking things up and putting them back down again, and then I settled on something fairly random- Animal Liberation. I had never stopped to think about what we eat or the treatment of animals, or anything like that before. I don't even know why I chose the book to begin with. But it opened my eyes in a profound, albeit naive, way and I stopped eating meat for nearly 4 years. It wasn't until someone offered me a bite of grilled steak in college that I started eating meat again. And then I just tried to shut my eyes and forget why I had been a non meat-eater to begin with.

Fast forward to 2007 when I read another book- Harvest for Hope. This book also opened my eyes to what we eat, but in different ways. It was then that I committed myself to purchasing local, organic, non-GMO, ethically and humanely raised and grown foods as much as possible. I never stopped- that is still something I feel truly passionate about, ESPECIALLY now that I have children.

So for the past 7 years, I have eaten meat, but it is generally purchased from farms I know and trust, where the animals are treated with respect. That means a lot to us, and has made us feel much better about our decision. But, the fact of the matter is, I just really don't enjoy meat. I am very weird about texture, and 90% of the time whatever meat I'm eating would gross me out, ending up in a waste. And I also know that meat eating, especially red meat, is not so healthy- no matter how well it is treated. So we cut back dramatically. I only incorporated meat into about 1/4 of our meals, and even then it was an add-in, not the main focus. It made me feel better, but I still wasn't satisfied.

The problem is, I actually have no problem with meat eaters. I would never pass judgement on someone for how they decide to feed themselves- especially since humans are legitimately omnivores. This means I actually want my kids to eat meat- they need the protein! And I would never try to convince my husband (with his limited palate as it is) to give up meat. So I felt like I was stuck. Since I'm the primary chef and I am feeding meat eaters, meat it is, right?

And then about a month ago I took a step back and looked at my life as a whole. I'm a happy person, but I also wasn't taking enough time for myself. It seemed like everything I did was for someone else- down to the way I was eating. One of my good friends is a vegetarian married to an omnivore, so it can be done! I made the leap. Many of our meals are exactly as they would have been, occasionally I need to cook a separate protein for the family- and that's ok. I am SO much happier with myself. I feel healthier and like I'm living up to my own standards and ideals.  I think it also helps that I'm not crazy, so I'm fine with picking meat off of things or occasionally ingesting something that had added chicken stock etc. instead of freaking out about the sanctity or purity of my food.

It's been over a month now and I think I can officially call myself a vegetarian again. I'm pretty proud of myself for making a change for ME.

(U)nderstanding

Griffin and Evvie are best friends. Even down to translation services. Lately whenever Evvie goes on a jibberish rant (which is a lot), Griffin tells me very matter of factly what she has said or he has actual conversations with her.

For example, yesterday I was getting them into the car and this happened:

Evvie: *unintelligible*
Griffin: yes, we're going to school, Evvie.
Evvie: *unintelligible*
Griffin: we love you too!
Evvie: *unintelligible*
Griffin: I know you like school. That's good.
Evvie: *unintelligible*
Griffin: well, I dont care what you think.

Then this morning Evvie was babbling and Griffin says: "she said she wants you to pinch her, mommy".
Me: she did not!
Evvie: *babble*
Griffin: oh, I guess she said kiss.

(T)hree

Griffin has always been a handful. He is determined, independent, smart, and focused. Those things will serve him extremely well as an adult. As a child, however, they can be difficult to say the least. While he's never been the easiest kid to parent, three has been- so far- the absolute worst. It is a combination of the lingering temper tantrums of two mixed with his new excellent language skills. It's like parenting a drunk teenager.

Drew and I have been talking about this a lot lately. We know it is a phase he will grow out of. We know that he is still at his core a sweet and wonderful little boy. We know it is likely just as stressful for him as it is for us. We know that one day we will passionately miss our three year old and will wonder where the time went! But still, at the end of the day, it is exhausting.

The good thing is that once it blows over, Drew and I manage to have a sense of humor about it. In some ways it has probably made us even closer.

making the best of a bad situation

I gotta say I am looking forward to 4 though.

(S)ustenance

I went back to the doctor a few weeks ago because I was having PCOS symptoms again. They had pretty much disappeared during my pregnancy with Evvie, but as she got older and my body started to regulate itself again, I was seeing some of the same old issues.

PCOS can affect you in 3 major ways: infertility, immediate physical symptoms (weight gain, hair loss etc), and the possibility of long term health issues (diabetes, heart disease, cancer). Although Drew and I are not planning on having any more children, it is really important to me that I have control of my health and that I take action in the ways that I can.

My doctor put me on three different prescriptions to regulate my insulin levels and hormones, encouraged me to take certain supplements, and praised me for taking control. But he told me the two very biggest factors to preventing any PCOS related damage was sticking to a specific diet and getting adequate exercise (30 mins of cardio 5 days a week and 15 mins of strength training 3 times a week).

The PCOS diet is low glycemic and is very similar to the anti-inflammatory diet , only with less pasta and fruit. Specifically, I need to completely cut out starchy vegetables like potatoes and corn, refined sugars, and white breads and pastas. I've known this for years, but I relaxed on it while I was pregnant and nursing, and never quite got strict about it again.

In addition to following the PCOS diet, I decided about a month ago to go back to being a vegetarian. I very rarely ate meat anymore as it was, and I generally didnt enjoy it when I was eating it. I will talk more about why I chose vegetarian in a later post, but for the last few weeks, I had been lax on that as well (mostly with bacon. ohhh, sweet bacon).

So finally I said enough. Enough pretending these foods are ok to put in my body. Enough putting things off, enough waiting for the "right time". I just needed to get on it. So to kick things off, I decided to do a cleanse with my friend, Amy. It isnt about losing weight or depriving myself, it is more about reprogramming my body to crave healthy foods and to get past the desire for all the things I need to cut out all at once.

Our cleanse is actually very easy and gentle. It's called a "juice cleanse", but there is no fasting or limiting to liquids. Each day you drink herbal tea, a protein shake, 100% fruit juice, LOTS of water and you can eat as many raw fruits as you want, and then fewer raw vegetables. But that's it. So for an example, here was my day yesterday:

wake up: herbal tea
breakfast: protein shake & grapes
snack: pear & juice
lunch: fruit salad, carrots & celery
snack: banana & juice
dinner: green salad with tomatoes & cucumber dressed with lemon juice
evening: herbal tea

The one thing we noticed: we were never hungry! The second thing we noticed (after today) we are craving not fried foods or desserts, but cooked vegetables! Right path indeed! It's still not any way FUN. It's actually way too sweet for me, and it requires a LOT of planning and packing. But it's almost over, and I think I'm accomplishing what I wanted to!

(R)evelry

This was such an unbelievably beautiful weekend. The kids were feeling better, it was warm and bright, and we spent so much time having fun.

On Saturday we went down to the park and let Griffin use his scooter along the bike path to the playground. The kid is a natural! And he had an absolute blast.

Evvie is a daredevil just like her brother and LOVES to go flying down the slide by herself.

Later that night we colored Easter eggs. Not the easiest task with two kids that want nothing more than to spread dye far and wide. They had a great time though, the eggs turned out beautifully, and only a few articles of clothing were ruined.

Then yesterday the Easter bunny came! Griffin and Evvie got to hunt for eggs and treats. They made quite the haul.

And then we had Easter lunch at Grandma and Grandpa's where we visited, played outside, and found out the Easter bunny had visited again!

We got home with plenty of time to open all the windows and enjoy the breeze before snuggling in to watch Frozen before bed. Awesome weekend, for sure.

(Q)uestions

Me: hey, guess what we get to do after dinner?
Griffin:  what?
Me: dye Easter eggs!
Griffin: (horrified) we're going to let the eggs die?!

*thorough explanation ensued*

(P)arenthood through Art

Every night for the past three years, I sing my children lullabies before they fall asleep. While this may occasionally vary, the one I sing more often than not is Blackbird by the Beatles.

Griffin knows this is "mommy's song" and will request it when he's feeling sad or scared. It makes him feel comfortable and protected, and for that I am grateful. I hope that Evvie grows to have such positive associations with it as well.

On Tuesday I went and had my tattoo done. Each of my tattoos is symbolic for me, but this one was exponentially more meaningful- it represents my children. A blackbird.

Drew brought Griffin and Evvie to the shop while I was having it done (it is an incredible place- amazingly family friendly. They weren't even the only kids there!) so while they may never remember it in the future (Evvie surely wont), they were part of the process! Out of all of my tattoos, this was the most exciting and least painful. The artist did an excellent job, both in design and execution. He captured exactly what I wanted.

The blackbird now sits on my shoulder, a constant partner and guide- just like my own kids. I'm absolutely in love with it, and Griffin is too. When he sees it, he says "its your bird for Griffin and Evvie!".

(O)ne Day

The past few days have been stressful for us. Last night we thought we were destined for the hospital again for sure. I even made overnight care arrangements for Evvie and had our bags packed. That old familiar tightness in my chest returned, along with the prickle of tears threatening to spill over. Talking to my parents, my voice was rushed, choked. I clung to Griffin, timing his breaths- over and over again, regardless of the lack of change.

And then I stopped.

I realized how lucky we are. Griffin wasn't fighting for his life. Fighting to breathe, yes- but nothing that some inhalers and oxygen wouldn't fix. So what if we ended up in the hospital? What was the absolute worst that would happen? A few more days off work. Griffin miserable because of the restrictive machinery. An expensive copay. Inconveniences. But at the end of the day, we would have our HEALTHY son back to join his HEALTHY sister. We would still have our jobs- including mine that has been incredibly supportive. We would still have our home and each other. So no- I didn't WANT to have to be admitted again, but I realized that if it had to happen, it would only be fore Griffin's benefit and we'd all be just fine. I was calm.

Our doctor ended up overturning the nurse's original hospital suggestion and told us that he thought Griffin should relax at home and be seen in the morning instead. Even better.

This morning after wrestling Griffin into taking his nebulizer and running Evvie to school, I drove us back to the doctor's office. Griffin was actually in a great mood- singing and joking the whole way. He told me about how bunnies come from eggs, how sad he was that Evvie was at school without him, and how for his next toy, he wants Sam's mom (from Transformers) because moms are good guys.

On the way in to the doctor's office, Griffin held my hand the entire way instead of pulling back like usual. He looked up at me- in his suede coat over last night's jammies and rumpled hair- smiled and said "I love you, mommy".

So those moments are what I am choosing to take away from this. Those moments that I wouldn't have had if I had just taken him right to school this morning like any other day. His smile, his laugh, the sun glinting off his hair and eyes, these extra few moments with a beautiful little boy I'm so lucky to call mine.

(N)ebulized

RSV is contagious. I worried so much about Evvie catching things from Griffin, but never really stopped to think much about the other way around, even though HE is the one with breathing issues. Evvie is still getting over her illness- but more in the way of a lingering cold. She hasn't had any concerning symptoms.

Griffin, on the other hand, is SICK. He started coughing Monday afternoon and by Monday evening, he was sleepless and miserable. Drew stayed home with him yesterday and took him to the doctor due to his fever & cough. No surprise, it's bronchiolitis. They gave him albuterol in a nebulizer & gave us strict instructions on keeping him on that and acetominafin until his fever breaks. Unfortunately, our child is ADAMENT about hating the nebulizer, so that's been like an MMA match every 4 hours- traumatizing for all of us.

He had another sleepless night last night and I stayed home with him today. Of course my child comes first, but I also had an important day planned with several time sensitive meetings. It is awful to feel stressed over the balance between work and home.

While the fever and cough are still hanging in there, it doesn't seem like any trips to the hospital are imminent (knock on wood). In the meantime, he is moody and lethargic and not interested in eating (which, of course, is all hugely stressful). My hope is that it clears up enough overnight so that he's back to his old self tomorrow- but as we've seen several times now, this is a virus that hangs around. Sigh.

(M)étier

mé·tier: noun
1. a field of work; occupation, trade, or profession.
2. a field of work or other activity in which one has special ability or training; forte.

An article was published in the New York Times this weekend discussing academic advising- specifically, who should be providing it on college campuses. Conversations like these pop up sporadically within the higher education community- in publications like The Chronicle of Higher Education and Inside Higher Ed, but never, as far as I can recall, in anything as mainstream or widely read as the New York Times.

This is both a blessing and a curse. Many people outside of higher ed (my parents occasionally included) have absolutely no idea what a professional academic advisor does, why they would need a graduate degree, or how the position is so much more than clerical. In those ways, it is good that there is increased exposure to the field, as it makes those conversations easier to navigate.

The downside is that the article seems to have been written with a certain agenda. Instead of honestly outlining the merits of professional AND faculty advisors (because, of course, there are merits to both), or discussing the inherent strengths when professional and faculty advisors work together, it seems to guide the reader toward thinking that there is an us vs. them dichotomy. That faculty advisors are the knowledge base, and professional advisors are the unnecessary hand holders- merely a testament to administrative bloat.

There is no disputing that faculty advisors are vital to the student experience. They provide insight into industry and academic content in ways that professional advisors, for the most part, never could. At the same time, professional advisors have generally spent years studying college student development, counseling, and the intricacies of student life and academic affairs to properly help students navigate their educations in a holistic way.

I am passionate about my job, and my interactions with students have proven that my position is necessary. I do much more than help students schedule their classes- I have meaningful discussions about depression, gender and sexuality issues, impostor syndrome, and family problems. I help students learn how to take notes, manage their time, overcome test anxiety, and study. I help students navigate campus culture and policy, and I work closely with my colleagues across campus when more services need to be provided.

Academic advising is a challenging, demanding, and immensely rewarding profession. But it is exactly that- a specialized field. To have it reduced to hand holding is insulting.

(L)anguage

Since Griffin is 3, he's speaking pretty much like a tiny adult. He tells full blown stories, has regular conversations, understands humor and sarcasm... it's pretty amazing how quickly it all comes together, honestly. He still mispronounces a few words (sank you instead of thank you, etc) and he'll ignore you when it's convenient, but otherwise he's Captain Chatty!

Evvie is just starting to find her words. She chats a LOT- I think in direct competition with her brother, but most of it is babble. She does say mama and dada, uh-oh, and "ba" for bottle. But then yesterday she said her first longer word! She currently points to EVERYTHING and when she does, I tell her what she's pointing at. Yesterday she pointed to the pepper grinder so I said "pepper". She paused and said "pe-pa!". So funny. Maybe she'll be a chef.

(K)eeper

Yet again I am thankful to have married such a wonderful man. I came down with Griffin's stomach flu late last night & didn't even get out of bed until after 11 today. Meanwhile, Drew has been doing an amazing job of cheerfully taking care of the kids and monitoring my needs- all while knowing this is his only day off this weekend.

I hope I'm back to normal ASAP, but it is so comforting to know I've got such support. I will never take that for granted!

(J)ess at 40

Turning 36 this year wasn't pretty. I loved 30, 35 was no problem, but 36... something about it just sounded so ugly to me. The number kept rattling around in my head, getting stuck in my mouth. Even now I stumble over it- thirty... six? I know I'm not old- it's not about that. But I'm definitely not YOUNG anymore. The freedom of my twenties has long passed, the excitement of my early 30s is gone, and I'm already feeling less visible and less relevant to society as a whole.

It means that in less than 4 years, I will be 40. That sounds even uglier.  Don't get me wrong- there are lots of GREAT things that come with getting older. There is less stress, more experience, and more confidence. You understand your needs and desires, who you are at the core... and you understand more clearly how to fulfill them. And that is what this post is really about. My 40 things I want to do before 40.

This is NOT a bucket list! Rather it is a way for me to prioritize the things that are important to me AND prove to myself that while I may never be 20 or 30 again, there is still a world of things to look forward to. It is to push myself and reward myself. It is to make sure I stay on the path I want to be on. And also, I happen to love lists.

1. begin a PhD program- Higher Ed, Educational Psychology, or Communications? Has to be local or distance learning. Doing my research.
2. climb a 14er- I've wanted to do this for SO long. It's got to happen.
3. get another tattoo- this one will be fulfilled shortly!
4. read the Harry Potter series- I know, I know.
5. run a half marathon- I loved my 5k. This is a lot longer. I can do it.
6. become a decent photographer- I've got the camera & such beautiful subjects
7. stay consistent with my blog(s)- seriously.
8. mail someone a hand written letter each month- it could be YOU! Who DOESN'T love getting real mail?
9. make new friends- I've got lots of amazing friends who I adore. I'd like a few more!
10. have semi-regular dinner parties- maybe once every few months?
11. learn to bake at altitude- tired of deflated cakes.
12. go to the beach- I'm looking at you, DREW.
13. present at a conference- NASPA? NACADA? ACPA? CPAC?
14. make the back yard into the oasis I dream about- flowers. fruit trees. hostas. water feature. cafe lights. vegetable garden.
15. volunteer- there are so many organizations I passionately believe in. I need to give my time, not just my money.
16. start regularly doing yoga and meditation- relax and connect with ME.
17. start writing poetry & fiction again- a part of me I really miss
18. submit an article for publication- where and about what, TBD.
19. go on a family vacation- just the 4 of us. several days. someplace to discover together.
20. learn the name of every mountain I can see from my house- I know the closest ones! But I can see so much of the front range.
21. throw Drew an awesome surprise party- 35?
22. take a jewelry making class- I love doing it & I want to do more.
23. still be a vegetarian!- more on this to come!
24. have completed a juice cleanse- this will be complete soon!
25. start investing in my 403b- I'd like to retire one day
26. have become successful in my short term professional development goals
27. play field hockey more regularly- pick up league?
28. take rock climbing classes- passionately want to do this.
29. start teaching the kids how to cook- they're too young now, but before I'm 40!
30. make my own vanilla extract- so easy. why haven't I done this yet?
31. buy clothes that FIT and look GOOD on me & make me HAPPY- enough, Target.
32. splurge on a really good, fancy hair cut & color- just once. I'm worth it.
33. figure out what my next steps are professionally- I love my current job so much that I really have no idea.
34. start having a weekly game/date night with Drew- we need more "us" time and this would be so easy
35. start going to counseling- just for me. there is nothing wrong- I think there is SUCH a benefit in going to counseling for a myriad of reasons
36. buy a guest bed- because we actually LOVE guests and our pull out couch is not the most comfy...
37. get to know my brother's girlfriend- he loves her and that means the world to me.
38. take the kids to Ohio- Evvie has never been and Griffin probably doesn't remember it- time to introduce them to the whole family & show them my favorite places
39. sew Evvie a dress- put that sewing machine to work!
40. give back to my community- Golden is making our dreams come true. I need to support it in any way I can.

I think this is a great list and something I can hold myself accountable to! I'll check in each year until 40 with where I am!

(I)llness Abounds

Apparently it is still winter. No matter how nice it is outside or how much I pine for long, warm days, all the typical cold weather germs are still alive and kicking.

After a pretty long healthy streak, we got a call on Tuesday afternoon to pick Evvie up because she had a cold & a nasty case of pinkeye. Because it's so contagious, she wasn't allowed back for 24 hours. Drew stayed home with her yesterday, and after she started on her medication, all seemed to be well. Then daycare called again- this time Griffin was sick. The poor guy started vomiting during his nap and wasn't showing any signs of stopping. Drew took Evvie to pick Griff up and nursed him as best he could while I was at work. The poor thing was miserable- moaning, writhing & vomiting every 20 minutes. I took over once I got home and luckily he passed out around 9. I had to stay home with them today since we had to wait another 24 hours before taking them back!

Griff was just like his old self this morning, so we thought we were finally in the clear! Today was Evvie's one year exam and I decided they were well enough to take them rather than cancel. The doctor took one listen to Evvie's lungs and determined she has RSV! I had noticed her coughing occasionally, and she has the pinkeye, of course, but I never noticed any breathing problems or high fever like we did when Griffin had it!

Luckily, she is tolerating it well and there is no reason to believe she will need to be hospitalized or require any further treatment. We just need to keep a very close eye on her breathing to make sure it doesn't worsen.

So our poor kids have been through the wringer lately. My hope is that they're both recovering nicely & that these are truly the LAST illnesses of the season!

The good news is that outside of the RSV, Evvie is doing great! She is 30.3" tall (75th percentile) and 19.6 lbs (40th percentile). She has found her new growth curve & her doctor thinks she is absolutely perfect!

(H)ome is where the Heart is

We moved into our dream home almost three years ago now. It is a cozy house with a big yard, high on a hill. The hill provides us with incredible views from every angle- from North Table Mountain to the east, South Table Mountain, and the twinkle of Golden and the larger cities beyond to the south, and then Mount Zion, Lookout Mountain, and the rest of the Front Range to the west. It is a remnant of the influx of people who surged toward Golden following World War II- the first big surge since the west was originally settled, when Golden was a thriving mining town.

When we moved in, what made us fall in love with it was not the modern touches or gourmet kitchen or grand floorplan that it doesn't have. What made us fall in love with it was the promise it held. This house whispered "home" the second we walked in the door. It begged us to make the changes we could in the time that we could, to believe in it, to hold our babies, to allow it to grow into what it was always meant to be.

Griffin was only 6 months old when we moved in. He has no recollection of any other house, and to him, it is part of the family. At night he asks us to sing him songs- one for him, one for Evvie, one for mommy and daddy, Scarlett and Louise... and then always one for the house. This home sheltered us the whole time I was pregnant with Evvie. I remember laying with her, just a few days old, and watching the snow fall around Castle Rock through our glass doors as I laid on my bed. This house has already given us such beautiful memories.

And in return, we have been making changes. Small ones, as we've been able to. We painted the inside, we installed tile, improved the flagstone retaining walls, and replaced fixtures, lighting and doorknobs. We fixed up the yard, planted gardens, and installed appliances. We hung art and photos, and filled the house with the daily hum of our lives. And then just a few weeks ago, we had the outside of the house painted.

To us, the house was always beautiful. But so much of it's physical beauty was in it's potential.

before

Now, the house is stunning. Breathtaking. Perfect. And so wonderfully, amazingly OURS.

after

This home is where our heart is- and will be for decades.

(G)olden Day

Drew and I both happened to have the day off today. Normally, we would keep the kids home with us for some extra family time, but Griffin actually wanted to go to school. So that means we did something we've never done before- we had an entire kidless day of fun! And it. was. AMAZING. We decided that there was so much our own little town of Golden has to offer that we never really get to experience, so we kept it local. Best idea ever!

Our first stop was the Table Mountain Grill for breakfast. It's part of an awesome little hotel downtown and the food was delicious. I even had a mimosa to celebrate.

After breakfast, we walked down to our favorite coffee place- the Windy Saddle (I actually had a chai).

One of my favorite parts of the day was taking our drinks and walking down to the river. We sat there for more than an hour- enjoying the sun on our faces, the sound of rushing water, and CONNECTING. We actually had a lengthy conversation! A novelty when raising two small kids.

While we sat there talking, we realized there were a few places in Golden we pass by all the time, but we've never actually been to! So off we were to remedy that. First stop: The American Mountaineering Museum. This building is SO COOL and just a few blocks away from our house- but we had never stepped foot inside! Apparently it used to be the old high school and they converted it in the 80s. There were lots of awesome exhibits- especially interesting given our location!

this is EXACTLY why I want to take up rock climbing!

On our way to our next destination, we passed the Golden Mill- our local farm & feed store. Since it's spring, they have chicks in stock again. You guys- THEY HAVE CHICKS. I couldn't resist taking a look. Drew and I also did a bit more research on the type of coop we'd like to get one day.

Ok, the next stop is crazy exciting. I've been wanting to get another tattoo ever since Evvie was born to commemorate both kids, but I kept putting it off. But Drew finally convinced me to talk to his tattoo artist at Faith, and he's currently designing the art work! I put down a deposit and I'm scheduled to be inked a week from today. I am literally giddy. I can hardly wait! Huge thank you to Drew for working the overtime to make this possible...

After planning my tattoo, we decided to go on a hike. A REAL hike- the kind complete with boulders and ridges and steep drop offs... the kind that would be nearly impossible with kids. So we went up to Windy Saddle Park and took the Beaver Brook trail, which we hadn't done before. It was incredible- easily the most fun hike I've EVER been on. There were parts I literally thought we might die (think sheer ice on a cliff face), but we lived to tell the tail, and boy was it worth it!

boulder field. I guess this was the result of a rock slide a long time ago!

cool giant rock. of course I had to scale it.

ice trail

So after the hike, we were STARVING. We originally wanted to visit one of our local food trucks, but none were around (boo) so we went to the Old Capitol Grill instead. Turned out to be a great decision- we sat outside and enjoyed the weather, people watched, and my sandwich was good too.

After lunch, we stopped to buy Drew an authentic cowboy hat. He's been wanting one for a while, and we found a really cool one on sale! I think he looks pretty handsome.

Next place on the list was the Astor House museum- another place we constantly pass and never checked out! It was one of the first permanent structures built in Golden and served as a boarding house from the 1860s until the 1970s! They furnished it with period items and art to return it to it's original grandeur. It was absolutely gorgeous... though, I'll be honest... felt a bit haunty.

It was after the museum that we rounded the corner to what would be our final stop- the Golden City Brewery. 

We had JUST finished our beers when daycare called- our darling girl has pinkeye and needed to come home. Given that it was only an hour from when we needed to pick them up anyway, we couldn't be TOO disappointed. 

poor baby looks like she got into a fight!

We had an absolutely amazing day celebrating and honoring our town and each other. It was a much needed day of relaxation and reconnection, one that we will truly value and remember for years to come- especially since time like that is so rare!